We like the idea of using a quaich in our ceremony - how can we do this?

The quaich is a traditional Scottish two handled drinking cup. They can be made of wood, silver or pewter and come in a range of sizes.


The quaich is often referred to as 'the loving cup' or cup of welcome or friendship and its two handles make it ideal for sharing.


It is unique to Scotland and part of the tradition of Celtic hospitality was that of welcoming guests with a drink from a quaich. Sharing a cup was also seen as a sign of trust between the people drinking from it - because it is offered and taken with both hands, the drinker could not hold a weapon at the same time and the sharing of the drink was also a guarantee that it hadn't been poisoned!

King James VI of Scotland presented a quaich to Anne of Denmark on the occasion of their marriage in 1589 and since then quaichs have often been used in wedding ceremonies. Drinking from the same cup is a lovely symbol of the love and trust between the couple. Because it is traditionally 'the cup of welcome', drinking from it can also be seen as a way of welcoming the bride and groom into each others' family too.

There are lots of ideas for incorporating a quaich into your ceremony:

• You could each hold onto the cup for the other when you drink, symbolising your togetherness.
• It is traditional to drink whisky, but you could have champagne instead as a way to celebrate your marriage.
• You could have two different drinks to pour into the quaich, the mixing of the two being symbolic of your union as a married couple. Whisky and water are an obvious choice, but if you don't like a dram, there's nothing to stop you from having gin and tonic or Bacardi and coke!
• You could alternatively use Scotland's nation drink - Irn Bru - if you don't fancy whisky! Karen and Paul did this when they got married in 2008 because they wanted their children to share the drink. Their ceremony was as much about celebrating family life as it was about their marriage!

• You could pass the quaich to your attendants (bridesmaid and Best Man), to your respective families or indeed to all of your guests, as a lovely way of sharing your love, trust and happiness with them.
• The quaich could be handed to the bride by the groom's parents and then to the groom by the bride's parents as a way of welcoming each into the others' family.
  
• You could have the quaich engraved with your names and the date of your marriage (by the way, if you don't want to buy your own, I have quaichs in various sizes and I'm more than happy to bring one along for you to use on the day).
• You could use the quaich in other ways too - to pour sand into would be one idea. The grains of sand can never again be separated once they are mixed together and you could use that as a way to symbolise your unity as a couple.
• You could use the quaich as a container for water, perhaps bringing water from two different sources to represent your respective family roots. The water could then be sprinkled onto your joined hands as a way of wishing you good luck.
  
• For the wedding of Calum and Jo a few years ago, we used a quaich with white heather blossom in it and mixed it with corn pollen from a Navajo Indian marriage basket. This was a lovely way to acknowledge their respective roots and to symbolise the joining together of their lives in marriage.
  

Where are there great places to get married in central Scotland?

This is a matter of opinion of course and it's well worth spending some time visiting potential venues to see which ones suit your needs best and have the right 'feel'. In this part of the world, there are numerous lovely places to get married and although this isn't an exhaustive list, here are a few suggestions to get you going! Some of them are suitable for both your ceremony and the reception and others just for the ceremony. By the way, I've listed mainly local venues here, but I'm also quite happy to travel further afield to conduct weddings too! The beauty of living in central Scotland is that I can travel easily to numerous locations north, south, east and west!

Fabulous hotels with great food!

Monachyle Mhor, Balquhidder

The Roman Camp Hotel, Callander

Glenskirlie Castle, Banknock

Cromlix House, Kinbuck

The Gleneagles Hotel, Auchterarder

Castles:

The Great Hall, tower rooms or terraces at Castle Campbell, Dollar

The Great Hall or the Chapel Royal at Stirling Castle

The Great Hall, Laird’s Hall or kitchen at Doune Castle

Culcreuch Castle, Fintry

Airth Castle, near Stirling

Other historic places:

Inchmahome Priory, Lake of Menteith

Alloa Tower

Cambuskenneth Abbey, Stirling

Innerpeffray Chapel, near Creiff

The Royal Burgh of Culross

Argyll’s Lodging, Stirling

The Wallace Monument, Stirling

Tullibardine Chapel, near Auchterarder

Gean House, Alloa

Solsgirth House, by Dollar

Linlithgow Palace

Callendar House, Falkirk

Places with spectacular views:

Loch Lomond, including the islands such as Inchmurrin and Inchcallioch

The David Marshall Lodge, Aberfoyle

Inchmahome Priory, Lake of Menteith

Dumyat hill, Stirling

Monachyle Mhor, Balquhidder

Castle Campbell, Dollar

Rowardennan Lodge Youth Hostel

The Harbour Café, Loch Venachar

The Lake Hotel, Lake of Mentieth

Loch Katrine (and the SS Sir Walter Scott)

The Roman Camp Hotel, Callander

Other ideas:

You will have noticed that there are one or two chapels mentioned in the lists above. Although humanist marriages are entirely non-religious in content, it isn't usually a problem (though check with your Celebrant first) to hold the ceremony in a building of religious significance, particularly if it is no longer used for regular worship. Many old chapels have been beautifully renovated and make lovely settings for a wedding - such as Tullibardine Chapel pictured below:

The other thing you might be considering is getting married in your own home or garden and I have conducted some lovely relaxed and informal weddings in such settings. If the house isn't big enough or you'd prefer to be in the garden, you can hire a marquee, either large or small, as shown below:

If you have an out building, a barn or a byre, this could be converted and decorated for the big day. And you might want to consider your local village or community hall too - with a bit of decoration, these places can make lovely (and often inexpensive) venues for weddings!

And finally, don't forget that Humanist Celebrants can conduct legal marriages ANYWHERE in Scotland without the need for a civil licence, so if you have an idea for something unusual of different, just let us know!

We're worried about our vows - do you have any tips?

The exchange of vows is undoubtedly the most important part of the ceremony and often the most meaningful and moving. It's important to think carefully about the promises you want to make to each other, so that the words are sincere and heartfelt. However, this is the bit that couples often worry about - What will I say to my partner? Will I be too nervous to say the words? Will I get a fit of the giggles? Will I get all emotional? Will I get through them?

Please don't worry - we're here to help and the following tips might be useful:

• If you've no idea at this stage what you might want to say to each other, that's no problem. When I meet couples, I always talk through this aspect of the ceremony with them, in order to allay any fears. I have examples for you too and you can take these away to help you to put your own together - they will give you some idea of what you might say and how you might phrase your words. Most couples use the examples as a way to inspire them to write their own, but you could simply pick one off the list if you particularly liked one of them. You don't have to say the same words to each other (though many couples do) and you might even want to keep your vows a secret for one another until the day. Whatever you decide, discuss any concerns you might have with your Celebrant, who will be able to help and advise you.
  
• Please don't worry about getting the giggles! Humanist ceremonies often have a relaxed and informal feel to them (though they can obviously be formal and traditional if that is what you want) so it's not like getting getting caught giggling in assembly at school (so you did that too then?!). Nor is the Celebrant going to be disapproving in any way - in fact, it's much more likely that they will laugh along with you! You should enjoy your wedding ceremony and feel comfortable with whatever emotions you're feeling at the time.

(This is Deborah and Zach during their lovely informal wedding in 2006)

• Don't worry about getting emotional either. I'm always on hand with tissues to pass to you if you need them - or just an encouraging little word to help you to carry on. I can even take over altogether if you really dry up - but you won't, so relax!
• Nerves can sometimes get to you, but again, I'll be there to reassure you and I'll whisper things like 'take a deep breath' to you!
• There are different ways to express your vows to each other:

1. You can phrase your vows as a question (you decide what the question is obviously) that I, as your Marriage Celebrant, ask. You then simply respond, 'I do' or if it's a joint question, 'we will'. This is a good option if you're feeling nervous and would prefer not to say too much during the ceremony.
2. You can make a short statement to each other. I usually advise that you read from a card rather than putting yourself under pressure by trying to memorise the words. I'll pass you the card at the appropriate time and that in itself will give you confidence.

(Pictured here are Lynne and Adam, now Mr and Mrs Higgins at their wedding at Monachyle Mhor. Aren't Lynne's flowers lovely? This is a wedding flower bracelet or wrist corsage by Floristic Design)

• One thing that I find helps a lot is to hold hands and to look at each other when you exchange your vows (rather than looking at me). As I often remind couples, you're marrying each other and not me! And it doesn't matter if you speak quietly either - the vows are between you as bride and groom...

(This is Elaine and Calum at their wedding this summer in the stunning grounds of the Strathblane Country House Hotel)

• Make your vows short and sweet too. You can almost certainly say what you want to say in a few sentences and there's less chance of breaking down.
• In addition to your personal vows, you are also required to make a legal declaration to each other (see my posting about the legal procedures) and I usually do this in a 'repeat after me' format. Many couples find this format very reassuring because you can't really go wrong - there's no pressure on you to remember anything.
  

Whatever worries and concerns you have about your vows, discuss them with your Celebrant and you'll find that they will give you all sorts of advice and help!

What do we need to do about the legal procedures?

The first thing to stress is that the legal procedures are very straightforward! However, the following points should help you through the process:

What does the paperwork consist of?

Marriage Notices

In order to be legally married, you need to obtain Marriage Notice (M10) forms. You fill one in each - basically to inform the registrar that you want to marry each other! It is always advisable to phone the Registrar before submitting your Marriage Notices, to make sure that you have all the necessary supporting documents and to check their fees. This is what the Marriage Notice Form looks like:


The Marriage Schedule

The Marriage Schedule is the document that you, your Celebrant and your two witnesses sign on the day and this is what it looks like (though yours won't have 'specimen' written all over it obviously!):



The Marriage Certificate

You will be sent your Marriage Certificate when the Marriage Schedule has been submitted to the Registrar after the wedding. This is the document you get to keep, your proof that you are legally married!

What if we aren't UK citizens?

It is important to check carefully with the Registrar to see what additional documentation you need in order to marry in Scotland. You will need evidence of your nationality and if you are not a European (EEA) citizen, other documentation will also be required. The website for the Registrar General for Scotland gives useful information and guidelines on this.

It would also be advisable to phone the local Registrar for advice too and you should do this as soon as you possibly can so that there is no danger of the paperwork not being through on time!

When do we have to submit our paperwork?

You can't submit the paperwork until 12 weeks before the wedding, but you can get the forms all ready to send off. You can collect a marriage pack from the Registrar or go onto the website for the Registrar General for Scotland to download everything.

The guidelines suggest that you submit your Marriage Notices to the Registrar 4-6 weeks before the wedding, but it can be done 12 weeks before and personally, I always advise couples to do it as early as possible within this time. It's an important job that you can then tick off your TO DO list!

The Marriage Schedule (the document you sign on your wedding day) is usually available to collect from the Registrar about a week before the wedding and you will need to collect it in person (either you or your partner, not necessarily both of you). All you have to do then is to remember to bring it along on the day! Your Celebrant will almost certainly remind you about it - but bear in mind that they will not be able to legally marry you without the Marriage Schedule! In fact, they wouldn't even be able to pretend to do so and catch up with the paperwork later on - solemnising a marriage without the necessary documentation is actually a criminal offence, believe it or not! So, don't give us a heart attack on that one folks! Remember to collect your Marriage Schedule from the Registrar and remember to bring it along on the day of the wedding!

The signed Marriage Schedule then has to be returned to the same Registrar within 3 days of the marriage taking place (note, 3 days, NOT 3 working days!) and anyone can do this for you, so you can breath a sigh of relief if you're going away on honeymoon immediately after the wedding and don't have time to do it yourselves! Well, you can if you've entrusted this important job to someone responsible anyway! Once the Registrar has your signed Marriage Schedule, they can register your marriage and issue your Marriage Certificate.

Which Registrar do we submit our Marriage Notices to?

It is important to submit the paperwork to the right Registrar and one quick phone call to them in advance will put you right. Basically, it has to be a Registrar within the Registration District where the wedding is to take place - i.e. not the one local to your home, but the one local to the wedding venue. Registration Districts cover large areas and there will be several Registration Offices in each district. You can submit your paperwork to any one of these offices, as long as it is the right Registration District for the venue. So, for example, if you were getting married at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander, it would make sense to submit your Marriage Notices to the Callander Registrar, but you could, if you wanted to, submit them to any other Register Office in the Stirling district, including Aberfoyle or Dunblane for example.

Registration districts are now aligned with Local Authority areas and the main Register Officer for venues in the central belt are as follows:

• Stirling – Municipal Buildings, 8-10 Corn Exchange Road, Stirling, FK8 2HU. Tel. 01786 432343. Website: Stirling Registrar
• Alloa – Marshill House, Alloa, FK10 1AB. Tel. 01259 723850. Website: Alloa Registrar
• Falkirk – Old Burgh Buildings, Newmarket Street, Falkirk, FK1 1JE. Tel 01324 506580. Website:Falkirk Registrar
• Perth and Kinross – 5 High Street, Perth, PH1 5JS. Tel. 01738 475121. Website: Perth and Kinross Registrar

Where can we get married?

If you choose a Humanist ceremony, don't forget that the venue doesn't have to have a Civil Licence as it would if a Registrar was to conduct a ceremony there. This means that you can have a legal Humanist marriage ANYWHERE IN SCOTLAND without the need for the venue to be licensed in any way. The only proviso is that the location is "safe and dignified".

It is important to stress that the marriage MUST take place on the date and in the place detailed on the Marriage schedule. So for example, if you plan to marry outdoors and have a contingency plan to move to another location indoors if the weather is bad, you will need to double check those arrangements with the Registrar before the day.

What happens on the day?

On the day of the wedding, it is vital to remember to bring along the Marriage Schedule and to hand it to your Marriage Celebrant before the ceremony. You need 2 people to witness and sign it and they can be anyone, known or unknown to you, related or unrelated, as long as they are 16 years of age or over. The Registrar may ask you for the details of the witnesses before the day of the wedding.

(This is Kevin and Mandy and their witnesses at the 2006 wedding on Inchmahome Island on the Lake of Menteith)

As part of the Humanist ceremony and in addition to whatever personal vows or promises you wish to make, you will each be asked to make a declaration to the other. This is a legal necessity and the declaration can take various forms, but is usually along the lines of repeating a statement, such as the following, after the Celebrant:

"I Mary Jane Jones / solemnly and sincerely declare / that I accept you Peter John Smith / as my lawfully wedded husband"

Once you have each made such a declaration, the Celebrant is required to make a legal declaration to pronounce you husband and wife - and I can safely say that this is the best job ever! It's a pleasure and a privilege!

Immediately after these declarations, the Marriage Schedule is then signed.

Please note the following:

• Signing: the bride signs in her maiden name or the name she was known by before the wedding (a previous married name for example). In other words girls, you don’t sign in your new married name (if you’re changing it of course)! The Schedule is also signed by the Celebrant and by the two witnesses.
• The pen: A special pen is required for the signing, but your Celebrant will supply it. It has to be a permanent black ink pen and if the Registrar mentions it, you can reassure them that your Celebrant has such a pen!

• The signatures: There may also be a signature form with the Schedule – so that the Registrar can decipher your signatures (do you sign as Mary Jane Jones, M. Jones or M.J. Jones for example?) Your Celebrant should fill this form in for you.
• Returning the Schedule: Once the Marriage Schedule has been signed, it is essential that it is returned to the same Registrar who issued it, within 3 days of the wedding. If you are unable to return it yourself, you will need to ask someone trustworthy and responsible to do it for you. The Celebrant will ask who that person is and ensure that the Schedule is in their safekeeping after the ceremony. Once the Registrar has the signed Marriage Schedule, they will then prepare and send you a copy of the Marriage Certificate - and now that you're legally married, you can celebrate and live happily ever after!

(This is Mike and Alison Swan after their 2006 wedding at Doune Castle)

What if we have any questions?

If you have any queries about the legal stuff, you Celebrant might be able to help, but the first port of call should ideally be the Registrar. Advice of a more general nature can also be found on the website for the Registrar General for Scotland

What is distinctive about a humanist wedding?

Well, the first thing to say is that they are very personal! There is nothing set or standard or business-like about a humanist ceremony. Basically, I tailor-make each ceremony for each couple and that makes your day very special and my job an absolute joy!

Couples sometimes ask me, "Do we have to write our own ceremony?" And the answer is simple:

Yes, if you want to!
No, if you don't want to!

In my experience, I have found that many couples haven't got a clue where to begin and the way I usually work is to meet with you for a chat about what's important to you. I'll help you to decide on readings, music, symbolic gestures (such as candle lighting, hand fasting and so on) your vows and lots of the practical things you need to think about (where to stand, how to enter, how to set the room out etc..) It's also good to get to know a bit about you too and this all helps me to design a ceremony that is sincere, meaningful and completely unique to you. After our first meeting, I will draft the ceremony for you and email it to you so that you can make any changes to it - and I always stress that it's very much a first draft, that you can make ANY amendments, additions and deletions you want to! The most important thing is that it is YOUR big day!

Another thing that people often remark on after a humanist ceremony is how relaxed and comfortable it felt. There is so much scope for fun and laughter in our ceremonies! Yes, they can be very formal and traditional, but if you want a bit of laughter and informality, that's no problem!


This photo of Lisa Ann and Jonas at the Dunkeld House Hotel was taken by the excellent Perthshire based wedding photographer, Neil Fordyce

Humanist weddings are also inclusive and because they concentrate on the things we all have in common, they tend to appeal to everyone, regardless of their individual beliefs. If your granny is a church goer, she might be a bit bemused (or even concerned) about what a humanist ceremony involves, but you can reassure her that she'll probably love it! People who haven't been to one of our ceremonies before don't always 'get it' beforehand - but I can almost guarantee that they will 'get it' afterwards. Even people with strong religious beliefs have often remarked afterwards on how much they enjoyed the ceremony. I should stress that there is NEVER anything anti-religious in our ceremonies - they are simply non-religious!

At the end of the day, your humanist wedding ceremony will be distinctive because you are distinctive!

How can we incorporate candle lighting into our ceremony?

The lighting of candles is a lovely symbolic gesture to include in your ceremony. I usually suggest that you each light a candle near the start of the ceremony (to symbolise your separate lives before your marriage) and then light a third one after you have exchanged your vows and rings (to symbolise the joining together of your lives in marriage). The 'marriage' candle is lit by each of you taking a flame from each of the first two candles and lighting the third one together. This makes a nice photograph as you can see in this picture of Margaret and Jay during their wedding at the historic Alloa Tower

I suggest that you buy your own candles (it's nice to have them to light on your anniversary for years to come!) and when you go shopping, the things to bear in mind are:

• It's nice if you have two candles that are the same and one that is different - in colour, size, shape or design
• You need holders or stands for your candles

• You need to arrange or ask the venue to arrange a table for them to be placed on during the ceremony and it's nice to provide some decoration - a nice cloth, some flowers etc..
• You don't need to worry about where to get a flame from and we won't be asking anyone for a cigarette lighter during the ceremony! I'll supply the tapers (as shown in the Alloa Tower picture above) and I'll have a tea light burning throughout the ceremony

Florists can sometimes incorporate candles into flower arrangements for weddings, as shown in these lovely examples:

One thing to bear in mind with candles is the hazard of having naked flame:

• If you have a veil, keep well away from the candles!
• Keep any children amongst your guests well away from them too!
  
• Some candle wicks smoke badly when they're blown out, so watch out for smoke alarms being set off! Some hotels ban the lighting of candles anyway, so double check with your venue beforehand.
• If you're outdoors, candles can of course blow out easily (the ones in the picture above surprisingly stayed alight for the whole ceremony, but it was in the roofless but reasonably sheltered Hall at Castle Campbell). Think about having garden candles, oil burning candles or storm lanterns or something similar to protect the flame. The ones in this vase for example stayed lit during the whole ceremony and it was quite breezy!

Candles can be used to wonderful effect to decorate your venue too - as in these examples from Doune Castle

How do we choose readings?

There is such a vast array of lovely wedding poetry out there that you may find yourselves spoiled for choice! Alternatively, you might find yourselves having to wade through huge quantities of unsuitable stuff (some religious, some cheesy, some just badly written) on the internet. There are some very nice wedding poetry books on the market though and I particularly like, 'Handfast', which is a book of Scottish poetry for weddings (published by the Scottish Poetry Library in 2004) and 'Heartsongs' by Pinky Agnew (published by Rider, 2006). The Humanist Society also have a huge collection of lovely non-religious poetry and readings and when I meet with couples to discuss the wedding ceremony, I always give them a copy of the collection so that they can choose something themselves. I would usually include 2 or 3 readings in a ceremony, but it's fine to have more or less than that - the most important thing is to find poems you like and that express your thoughts and feelings about each other and about your wedding day.

Of course you also need to consider carefully who is going to read for you. I quite often read all of the poetry and am very happy to do so - but many couples like to involve friends or a members of the family by asking them to read a poem during the ceremony.


It's an important thing to ask someone to do for you and there are a few things to consider:

• Choose someone you know won't feel too nervous on the day, someone who feels comfortable with public speaking.
• Choose someone who you feel will do the poem justice, who will read it well for you.
• Give them plenty of notice and send them a copy of what you'd like them to read. You could alternatively ask them to choose something for you and as well as being a really nice way of adding an element of surprise to the ceremony, this can also be very moving too.
  
• Ask the reader to contact the Celebrant before the ceremony to discuss where and when the reading will be placed and where they should stand etc..
  

If you have children (either your own or in your wider circle of friends or family) and would like to involve them in the ceremony, why not get them to do a reading for you? If you choose the reading carefully and the child is confident, it can add something very special to the ceremony. In fact, they will probably steal the show with the 'cute factor'! This is Hanni reading a poem for her mum and 'poppy' (as she calls her step dad) at their recent wedding at Inchcailloch Island on Loch Lomond:


One of my all time favourite poems was read at a wedding this week, Christine de Luca's 'Journey' which is published in the Scottish Poetry Library book, 'Handfast':

Today you see far down a mountainside,

out over islands to your far horizon.

Your sight is sharp, your goal clear, and tides

of love lap round all your desiring.

Two sets of footprints you will make, but true

companions on this journey you’ll become.

When you slip out of step, think of today;

relive again its close embrace of freedom.

May truest feelings stir you as the wind

disturbs the loch, or smirr on cotton grass.

May you find bliss in ordinariness

and joy forever in its present tense.

(Reproduced with the kind permission of the author)

And here are the lovely Nicola and Simon, who chose this stunning reading, beginning their journey after their wedding at Glenskirlie Castle

Another idea to consider with readings is to have something that all your guests read together. This especially suits well wishings (or 'blessings' for want of a better word) at the end of your ceremony. The reading needs to be fairly short and sweet and you can either print the words in an Order of Ceremony or have it done in a 'repeat after me' format (i.e. the Celebrant reads a line and everyone repeats it). This is one of my personal favourites and it's by an unknown author:

May your home be a place of happiness for all who enter it;

a place where the old and young are renewed in each other’s company,

a place for growing and a place for sharing,

a place for music, a place for laughter and a place for love.........

Should we risk an outdoor wedding?

For many couples, an outdoor ceremony is their preferred option and it often adds a nicely relaxed air to the proceedings. If you're in the grounds of a hotel, the venue may arrange to have seating and even a red carpet to create an aisle, but quite often the guests will simply stand in informal groups instead (perhps with a few seats for elderly guests). An outdoor wedding always carries a risk though - what do you do if the weather is bad? You might be lucky and get a day like this at Shieldaig Lodge in Gairloch a few years ago:


We certainly needed the sunscreen that day and midge repellent comes in pretty handy in certain parts of Scotland (north and west mainly) and certain times of the year (summer months) too! The following wedding of Kelly and John at the Roman Camp in Callander was another lovely day and the sun sparkling off the water gave the whole wedding a magical quality.


This wedding was also videoed by James at Strageworx Productions and if you follow this link, you can see a web version of Kelly and John's DVD: http://www.strangeworx.com/kellyandjohn/

Of course, you might get a day like this when Monica and Andy got married at the lochside at Glen Finglas in August 2007:


Or even like this one at Leckmelm Gardens in Ullapool that brought a whole new meaning to the expression 'white wedding'! It was freezing, but great fun!


So, if you're considering an outdoor wedding, the following might be worth bearing in mind:

• Have a good contingency plan - a nice indoor space that could be used for the ceremony if the weather is really bad
  
• If you're still keen to have the ceremony outside, consider a more sheltered spot, under some trees perhaps
• You could just go for it regardless - and warn your guests to bring their waterproofs, brollies, sensible shoes and thermals!
• You could delay the ceremony slightly in case the weather improves - this might be possible if your guests and your Celebrant are willing

Whatever you do, warn the Registrar that the location may be subject to a last minute change and ask their advice. It is vital that the wedding takes place on the date and in the location shown on the Marriage Schedule. It's also important to ensure that the Schedule doesn't get wet or damaged in any way, so ensure that it's properly protected if you're outside.

Even this week when it was really cold and windy, I conducted an outdoor wedding for Paul and Karen on the stunningly beautiful Inchcailloch Island on Loch Lomond. This was the lovely wedding party on the summit (what a view!), but it was much too windy to conduct the ceremony there, so we retreated to the more sheltered beach on the other side of the island. And we managed to conduct the ceremony just before the first day trippers arrived with their picnics and BBQ stuff! It was a lovely wedding - relaxed and intimate, with only their friends (who acted as witnesses), their little girls, me and the photographers (Willie and Cara McGlaughlin) present.

What if I get emotional on the day?

No worries! Feeling emotional on your wedding day is natural and I’ll always have tissues at the ready! So far my record is a five hankie wedding by the way! They were all for the bride on that occasion, but actually, it’s often the grooms who go first – so be warned guys! This is Steve ( getting emotional) and Julie at their wedding at the Fortingall Hotel in Perthshire:

This is Joanne and Russell after their recent wedding at the Roman Camp Hotel and although they look relaxed here, they were both quite emotional during the ceremony too.



Don't they both look splendid in red though? And check that sporran out! Just in case you want a close up, here it is in all it's glory:

As you can imagine, this attracted quite a few funny (and naughty) comments on the day and in fact, the ceremony was full of fun and laughter! The photos for this wedding were taken by Tom and Donna Collins at Stylish Images and the DVD was by Grahams Digital Productions

The following video clip, courtesy of Graham, will give you a feel for the way in which weddings can be both fun and emotional at the same time. By the way, I should point out that the quality of the clip has been significantly reduced to upload it to this blog and that the original is of superbly high definition!




Crying apart, couples often get worried about getting a fit of the giggles during the ceremony. Lots of people giggle when they’re nervous, but you’ll find a humanist ceremony much more relaxed than being in church and if you feel like laughing, that’s great! I think it’s important to inject a bit of humour into a wedding ceremony – it’s all about having fun! The ceremony shouldn’t be an ordeal, it should be a really enjoyable part of the day - for you and your guests! This is Phyllis and William at their 2003 wedding in Callander having a good laugh and for me, this photo really sums up the joy of what was a very relaxed and enjoyable occasion:

How do we choose a venue?

Many couple choosing a humanist ceremony decide to have the whole day (ceremony and reception) in one place and this has lots of practical advantages (not having to move your guests from A to B being a big one!) Because humanist ceremonies are non-religious (I should stress here that they are never anti religious!) a church building isn't usually an option. But there are so many other places to choose from - hotels, historic buildings, stately homes, National Trust properties or Historic Scotland properties etc.... Not to mention many lovely outdoor places - in fact, you have the whole of Scotland at your disposal and don't forget that an authorised Humanist Celebrant can conduct a legal marriage anywhere (yes, anywhere!) in Scotland without the need for a civil licence!

Choosing the right venue is as much about the right 'feel' of the place as it is about the practicalities (size, location, cost and so on). One of my personal favourites is the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander.


Shona, the wedding planner there, is so friendly and helpful - she'll look after you really well and as well as being stunning, the hotel has a wonderfully warm and relaxed atmosphere - you have to visit to see what I mean. The food is superb too by the way and the canapés are the best for miles around! Weddings are conducted various parts of the hotel, including the lovely old library:


It also has a tiny chapel off it where the Marriage Schedule can be signed:



There are other rooms within the hotel that can be used for wedding ceremonies and the grounds are beautiful, so an outdoor wedding down at the river is another option in good weather:


This is the recent wedding of Mike and Kirsty and we were lucky that the rain stayed off and we were able to hold the ceremony by the river where it's lovely and peaceful. The hotel staff put out wooden benches for the family and the wedding party to sit down and everyone else gathered around informally. The stone table makes an ideal place for the signing of the Marriage Schedule. This was a great wedding and Mike and Kirsty made sure that it was full of fun and laughter!

As did Amy and Adrian - and the sun certainly shone on their big day too:


Another cracking venue is Solsgirth House by Dollar.


Bernie and Denise who own and run the house are lovely and will make you feel very much at home. Once again, they can accommodate weddings both indoors and outdoors. Inside, there is a small 'chapel' with a nice peaceful feel to it:




And outside, there's a lovely terraced area that is perfect for ceremonies when the weather is good:




Glenskirlie Castle at Banknock is another very popular local venue. They do weddings both in the main house , which is very nice and in the castle, which opened in 2007. Of course, the food at Glenskirlie is fantastic and it has a superb restaurant. The castle, although modern, certainly has the wow factor, both inside and out:


This is the room they use for wedding ceremonies at the castle and with the big stained glass window to the side, it has a lovely feel to it.


If the weather is good, the terraced patio area at the back could also be used and they often serve drinks out there after the ceremony too:

Julie is the Wedding Coordinator at Glenskirlie and she'll make sure that everything is organised behind the scenes so that all you have to do is enjoy your special day!

How do we set the room out?

It's a good idea to have some form of focal point in the room or space if it's outdoors and this could simply be in the form of a table with a flower arrangement on it, such as this one at Castle Campbell in Dollar.


On the other hand, the terraces at Castle Campbell afford some spectacular views and that might be all you need for a focal point!


Other ideas would be to use a natural feature such as this lovely tree in the grounds of the Strathblane Country House Hotel



Balloon or flower arches are a nice idea too:



And if you happen to be passionate about something, as Anne and Gavin are about their American Airstream trailer (a beautifully renovated 1964 Bambi Mark II if you're interested!), then why not include it as a backdrop or focal point for your wedding ceremony!

It's also a good idea to think about how you want to have the seats set out and many couples choose to have a central aisle, with straight rows of seats either side, as in these pictures of Gean House in Alloa:

If you don’t want the room to look quite as formal though, you could arrange the seats in an arc and still retain the aisle, such as here in the grounds at the Dunkeld House Hotel

If you don't want to have an aisle, you don't need to have one of course and you can create a nice inclusive feeling for your guests when the seats are arranged in a circle or horseshoe shape, such as here at Castle Campbell:

Even just having the seats at an angle rather than in straight rows can give the space a different feel, as in this picture of the The Harviestoun Country House Hotel at Tillicoultry:

How do we enter and how do we stand?

I often get asked questions about wedding etiquette and in particular, things like which side of her dad should the bride be on when they enter at the start of the ceremony? Just in case you're wondering too, it is traditional for the bride to take her dad's right arm, so that he walks down the aisle on the left, which is traditionally 'the bride's side'. Someone other than dad may of course be 'giving the bride away', such as in the case of Michelle here, whose Gran had the honour of escorting her on her wedding day:

As you can see, in this case the bride decided to walk on her Gran's left rather than the right. You could of course decide to move completely away from tradition and walk in together! And by the way, I often refer to the 'giving away' tradition during the ceremony and say that in reality there isn't any giving away because the two of you have already given your hearts to each other. It's a nice way of saying that you have a relationship of equals and that there is no relinquishing of ownership on the part of the father of the bride - and indeed, no claiming of ownership by the groom! At the same time, I always like to make a big fuss of dads for their role on the big day!

After the ceremony has finished, the bride will then take the groom's left arm for them to make their grand exit back down the aisle. And that, according to traditional etiquette, is so that he has his sword arm (presumed to be his right) free to protect his bride! Of course, you may decide to throw tradition out of the window for your big day and do your own thing!

It is important to think about how and where to stand during the ceremony itself. I often stand in the middle, with the bride on my right and the groom on my left, with both of you facing outwards, but angled towards each other - as in this lovely pic of Jonas and Lisa-Ann at their 2005 wedding in the grounds of the Dunkeld Hilton House Hotel. By the way, this fabulous wedding was photographed by Neil Fordyce and it was featured in the Scottish Wedding Directory magazine Real Life Weddings The Humanist Society also chose this wedding to feature on the front of it's leaflet about humanist weddings, 'Sharing the Future'

When you exchange your vows and rings, you can then face each other. And by the way, remember to look at each other rather than at your Celebrant! I often remind couples that although I'm marrying them, they are marrying each other and not me! This is Hilary and Robert during their wedding at Inchmahome Island on the Lake of Mentieth.

You can choose to stand together throughout the whole ceremony if you’d prefer to. If you think you might be nervous or emotional on your big day, you might feel more comfortable standing with your partner throughout. This is Andi and Andy at the stunning Castle Campbell near Dollar. Andi (the beautiful bride) has since become a Celebrant of the Humanist Society.

If you wanted to, you could also be seated for some of the ceremony. Jean and Alex here (getting married in Alex's son's back garden) felt more comfortable sitting down (and it has to be said with a glass of bubbly in front of them!) At 78 and 82 respectively, they just go to show that it's never too late for love! This was my very first legal wedding in June 2005 and it was a wonderfully relaxed family occasion. I have since married Alex's son, John and his partner Heather and this summer I'm looking forward to conducting the wedding of Alex's granddaughter Sarah and her fiance Chris.

By the way, one thing I try never to do is to have you with your backs to your guests at any point. For me, an important principle about having a humanist wedding is about sharing your happy day with your friends and family and they are likely to feel much more involved in the ceremony if they can see your faces rather than the backs of your heads!