YOUR BIG DAY!

What symbolic gestures can we include in our ceremony?

2011-10-30T11:27:00.000Z

You might be looking for a ceremony that is plain and simple, so the idea of including symbolic gestures may not be for you and that's fine. You don't need to consider any of these ideas (and humanist ceremony certainly don't need 'padding' in any way!), but if you're interested read on....

As with most aspects of the ceremony, you can include almost anything as long as it's non-religious and fits with the Humanist ethos. The most common symbolic gestures are probably handfasting, drinking from a quaich and candle lighting and I have separate posts on all three of those, as well as a section about the warming of the wedding rings in the post giving advice about the exchange of the rings. But there are lost of other things you might want to consider:

Releasing balloons

Releasing heart shaped balloons at Glenskirlie Castle

There's a nice bit of symbolism in releasing balloons - about the two of you starting your journey together and about everyone's hopes and wishes for you as they each release a balloon. This looks lovely on photo of course but there are a couple of practical things you need to bear in mind! First of all, check that you have the necessary permission because of the possible hazard for low flying aircraft. And also think about the ecological implications too - it is possible to buy biodegradable balloons made from natural latex nowadays.

Jumping over a broom

(Yvonne and Kyle during their wedding at Broomhall Castle. Pics by Martin Weir)

There are various stories about the origin of this custom (see the wikipedia entry on this for example) and it has roots in both gypsy and African American cultures. It may not be for you, but it can add an interesting (and fun) element to the ceremony. The symbolism here is about sweeping away the old and starting a new life together. In days gone by couples who wanted to live together but weren't able to legally marry would declare their intention to 'live over the brush' - and once they'd jumped over it, the brush would then be kept in their shared home as a symbol of their union.

Planting a tree

What more symbolism do you need in a marriage ceremony than the idea of starting new life, nurturing and growing stronger? If the two of you have an affinity with the natural world (whether you're passionate gardeners or not), this might be a nice idea to include in your ceremony, especially if it's being held in your own garden. When Jill and Michael decided to get married, they didn't just plant a tree, they designed their whole back garden in Stirling (pictured) around their wedding ceremony! It was stunning, but then they are amazing garden designers.

The natural elements

You could decide to go one step further and include all of the natural elements in your ceremony - air, earth, fire and water. You could get married out of doors, plant a tree or shrub, light candles (you can buy lovely outdoor garden candles) and drink water from a quaich (or even have it sprinkled on your hands as in the Thai good luck tradition)

There are numerous other ideas and they include:

Sand ceremony - mixing together two containers of sand, to represent the merging together of your lives
Lanterns - releasing sky lanterns, as used in many Asian festivals, can represent the floating away of your troubles, to be replaced by good fortune and luck.
Pebbles - a lovely idea from a Scottish couple living in New Zealand. They asked each of their guests to come to the ceremony with a small pebble from their own garden or from somewhere in Scotland that was special to them. During the ceremony, their son collected the pebbles in a wooden bowl and they took them back to NZ as a unique reminder of their special day. Nice eh?

Mexican hug - you'll be wondering what on earth this is! Well, you know what a Mexican wave is? As seen at many a sporting event, it's where everyone gets up in turn with their arms in the air. Well, the Mexican hug is where the couple start off by hugging each other and then someone else: those people then hug another person - and so on, until everyone in the room has been well and truly hugged! It's a great way to involve everyone and a good laugh if you want to inject a bit of humour into your ceremony. I've also had a couple ask everyone to kiss each other too - it was Valentine's Day mind you!
Sawing wood - yes, sawing wood! This is a very unusual gesture and it's a German wedding tradition that involves the bride and groom using a two handled saw to work together as a team to saw a log in half. It's impossible to saw it in half unless you work together as a team, another great message for married life! Janine (who is German) and Roy did this at their wedding at Doune Castle:

Mind you, I don't think they were supposed to fight with the logs afterwards!!

Animals - personally, I'd guard against using animals in the ceremony (unless it's your own pet and they aren't going to be stressed in any way). The ethics of owl ring bearers or releasing butterflies or doves need to be very carefully considered.
Other cultures - there are of course all sorts of traditions from other countries and cultures that might be included in your humanist ceremony, such as the Jewish tradition of stamping on a glass and shouting mazeltov (good luck), or the Greek tradition of exchanging stefana (wedding crowns). There is also the Thai tradition of wrapping cotton around the wrists of the bride and groom as a good luck symbol. J and Billy did this during their wedding at Solsgirth House:

Basically the world is your oyster as far as symbolic gestures go! So if you're interested in any of these ideas or you think of something original, talk to your celebrant about it. We humanists are generally an open minded lot and as long as what you're considering is ethical and non religious, you'll probably find that the celebrant is happy to include it.

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What will help to calm our nerves?

2010-12-02T13:11:00.007Z

The first thing to say is that almost everyone feels a bit nervous on their wedding day - it goes with the territory! You're excited, you want to look your best, you want everything to go well.... And there are a lot of things I can do to help! Here are a few of my top tips for dealing with nerves:

One thing that will help a lot is that I'll be drafting everything for you and sending it to you well before the big day, so by that time you'll be very familiar with the content and structure of the ceremony. Knowing what's coming really helps.
A rehearsal can help too if you're very nervous. I always leave it to you to decide whether you need a rehearsal or not. I have to say that the majority of couples don't bother with one because they've seen the script beforehand and because I'm always there an hour early on the day to go through the practicalities, to liaise with readers, musicians or hotel staff and to make sure that everything is set up as it should be.
During that time, I'll be chatting to the groom and helping to calm any nerves.

(picture by Keath Bank)

And speaking of nerves, girls, don't be too late will you? It's one sure fire way to make your groom really panic!

Steven waits for a very late Lynne (photo by Pete at Duke Studios)
(she did turn up by the way!)

(Don't leave the poor lad with his fingers crossed will you?)

Up to 20 minutes late is fine, but try not to make it any later if you can help it. And if your time keeping is notoriously bad, appoint someone else (mum? chief bridesmaid?) to act as a time keeper for you.

Don't drink too much before the ceremony will you? One drink can steady the nerves of course, but don't forget that I can't marry you if you're under the influence. So keep it at one beforehand and then you can knock it back afterwards!

Thomas swears that he was only holding the bridesmaids glasses while they were having their photos taken! (Glenbervie House near Larbert)

I always greet the bride outside the ceremony room before we start and it'll really help to calm any nerves.

A very late Lynne finally arrived and everyone agreed that she was worth the wait!

(Photo by Duke Photography)

I'll make sure that you're completely ready and if you've got lippy on your teeth, your hair is mussed up or your bra strap is showing, then you can rely on me to tell you!

Karen needed a wee bit of help with a wardrobe malfunction!

If you're concerned about being the centre of attention, just keep your focus on your partner. I never have couples with their backs to their guests as you often see in church because that's to do with facing the altar and being married in the eyes of god. Most couples who choose a humanist ceremony want to involve their guests and facing them rather than turning your back on them is one way to do that. But if you're nervous about it, you can stand either side of me, but turn towards each other. Or you can stand together for the whole ceremony with both of you on one side of me, so that you can hold hands and support each other (I'm not suggesting that either of you might keel over of course!)

Kev and Gem pictured at Doune Castle by Paul at Toast Photography

If you don't want to say very much yourselves during the ceremony, don't worry because you don't have to. The vows can be phrased so that they're in the form of a question that I ask and you each say "I do" (or together "we will"). I usually phrase the legal declarations in a 'repeat after me' format too and in that way I can guide you through them. And although I often use the term "solemnly and sincerely" in the legal declarations, we don't actually have to. The words "solemnly" sometimes trips people up and if you'd prefer not to say it, that's no problem at all!
Music can help if you're worried about awkward silences, for example during symbolic gestures such as the lighting of candles.
When I pronounce you husband and wife, I'll invite you to kiss and if you're nervous about public displays of affection, don't forget that practice makes perfect! I have been known to set homework by the way and on one occasion suggested that the bride drag her shy fiancé into Tescos a few times before the big day to kiss him in the middle of the frozen food aisle!

Lindsay and Phil didn't actually need any practice!

When we get to the signing of the Marriage Schedule, some people worry about using a fountain pen and you can have a wee practice before the real thing. I'll also guide you carefully so that you sign in the right place.

Making sure that you're signed, sealed and delivered!

I hate the thought that any of my couples might see their wedding ceremony as an ordeal that they've got to get over before they move on to the party.

Karen and Scott on their way to celebrate after their wedding at Gean House in Alloa

Sure, you'll want to celebrate afterwards but in my book, the ceremony is part of the celebrations. So I'll do everything I can to help you to enjoy it and to guide, reassure and support you. And if all else fails, I'll just make you laugh!

Caishlan and Keiron enjoying a good laugh during their wedding ceremony
(pic by Alan Peebles)

Laughter helps to break the ice for everyone and I don't think I've ever conducted a wedding where there hasn't been something to laugh about! There is often a welcome distraction such as this wee one who kept everyone entertained at the recent Glenskirlie House wedding of Rachael and Anthony:

(picture by Martin Pettinger)

They say that music is the food of love - well I disagree, I reckon it's laughter!

Birdeen and Carl have a good laugh at their Doune Castle wedding
(picture by Whyler Photos)

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What advice do you have about incorporating music into the ceremony?

2010-09-10T17:42:00.018+01:00

Well, the first thing to say is that anything goes! Well, almost! Given that you've chosen to have a humanist ceremony, religious music (including a hymn) isn't suitable, but there are so many other options - classical, jazz, pop, rock, folk, you name it.......

You need music in 3 main parts of the ceremony - for the entry of the bride ('processional' music), during the signing of the Marriage Schedule and for the bride and groom to leave ('recessional' music). Think carefully about the mood you want to create during each part of the ceremony - for example, most people choose something light and reflective to accompany the signing of the Marriage Schedule (about 5 minutes of music is ideal, so 2 tracks is perfect), but then have something with more impact for the end of the ceremony - to make everyone smile and to get the party started!

Although music on a CD player or IPod is possible in most indoor venues, it isn't usually great outside because the sound is easily 'lost', especially if there's a breeze. And you can't beat live music of course! Lots of couple have a piper to play as the guests arrive and you might decide to be piped in and out of the ceremony too. The pipes might be a bit loud to accompany the signing, but you can always send your piper out of the room to play or away into the bushes so that it's a bit quieter! There are of course lots of other choices, including a string quartet, a jazz band, a pianist, fiddle player, ceilidh band, harp or clarsach player or a singer. You can book musicians through agencies such as:

Wedding Music Scotland
Entertainers Agency
Live Unlimited
Reel Time

I also have numerous contact details for musicians happy to work in the central belt and they include:

Pipers:

Tom Dingwall (pictured) - phone 01877 382668

John Mackintosh
Roddy Deans

Kevin McLean

Stewart
Piping Services

Fiddle Players:

Lorna Swan (pictured) who also plays the clarsach

Patsy Seddon who also plays the harp

Ceilidh Bands:

Gallivanters Ceilidh Band (pictured)
Darloch Ceilidh Band
Reel Ale Ceilidh Band
Kinlochard Ceilidh Band
Skelpit Lug

Harpists/Clarsach:

Iain Hood who can also provide a lovely harp and flute duo

Patricia Roberts who also sings, beautifully
Reel-Time who will put you in touch with Rachel, another lovely clarsach player
Karen Marshalsay
Sophie Askew
Sarah Hill (pictured) - phone 01786 870535

Strings:

Sa Masia

Cairn String Quartet

Rhapsody String Quartet (pictured)

Cleveden Quartet

Strings Aloud

Korda String Quartet

Organists/Pianists/keyboards:

Guitarists:

Jazz musicians:

Marcus Ford who is a solo jazz guitarist

Twofiveone Guitar Duo

Singers:

Patricia Roberts

Anne Lewis

And on the subject of singers, I can't! So if you're going to have everyone sing a song, don't rely on me to lead you. Seriously, just don't go there! (I'm only pretending in this pic of Cathy and Douglas getting married in the Perthshire hills above Comrie)

Communal sining can work well, but I reckon only if the following things are in place:

Someone who can really sing well to lead the song (not me then...)
Good accompaniament by musicians used to accompanying singers
Enough guests (50+ I'd say) to really 'gie it laldy' for you (f you're not familiar with the Scots terminology, translated that means "to pull out all the stops and sing with great enthusiasm or gusto"!)
The words to the song need to be printed onto an Order of Ceremony for everyone
The song itself needs to be something meaningful to you - don't a song just to 'pad out' the ceremony - there's never any need to do that in a humanist wedding ceremony!

Examples of songs that I think have worked well in wedding ceremonies in the past include both traditional folk songs and pop songs. The latter work best with the original CD track to sing along to, karaoke style, and they are pretty much guaranteed to get everyone laughing:

'When I'm 64' by the Beatles
'500 Miles' by the fabulous Proclaimers
'I'm a Believer' by the Monkees
'Bring me Sunshine' by Morecambe and Wise

One option is for a guest or guests to perform the song and then have everyone else join in with the chorus - this worked really well at a wedding recently when friends of the bride and groom took on the parts of Danny and Sandy to sing 'You're the One That I want' from Grease. Everyone was in stitches and I still laugh when I think about it now!

Of course, more serious songs work well too, Scottish folk songs like 'Wild Mountain Thyme' or 'Mairi's Wedding' for example. Some of these songs are quite difficult to sing though and it's advisable to have a confident lead singer or a performer who will sing the verses and invite everyone else to join in with the chorus.

There are by the way a number of classical songs in the 'Sharing the Future' booklet (available from the British Humanist Association) These have a more traditional and almost 'hymn like' feel to them, but with secular words of course. There is also a humanist version of 'All Things Bright and Beautiful' with "Mother Nature made them all" instead of "The Lord God etc..." Google it - you might like it and it's a nice compromise if you (or your family) want a traditional feel to the ceremony.

Music adds a very special element to a wedding ceremony and it's worth spending a bit of time choosing something that feels just right for you. Music is, after all, the food of love!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

Can you recommend a photographer or videographer?

2010-07-27T14:57:00.031+01:00

I'd hesitate to make a recommendation because choosing a wedding photographer is such a personal thing. It doesn't matter what I think anyway - the only important thing is the you feel comfortable with the style and approach of the person who'll be taking your wedding photographs. There are a lot of professionals to choose from and it's worth chatting to a few of them to discuss your ideas and to find out what they have to offer.

The photographers I've worked with locally include:

Seppi Preston at Lighthouse Studios in Stirling
Tom Collins at Stylish Images in Falkirk
Martin Weir at Weir Photography in Alloa
Alan Hutchison at Alan Hutchison Photography in Tullibody
Whyler Photos in Stirling
Brian Muldoon at Brian Muldoon Photography in Grangemouth
David Loney at David Loney in Denny
John Rae at John Rae in Larbert
George Lammie at George Lammie Photographs in Alloa
Jennifer at Jenniflower Weddings
Rhoddy Stewart at Rhoddy Stewart Photography in Falkirk
Marie and Alastair Kerr at Kingdom Photos in Kippen
Abbie Allardyce in Callander

And not local to this area, but also great wedding photographers:

Bob Dougal at Bob Dougal Photography in Kilsyth
Trevor Wilson at Silver Photography in Bishopton
Martin Pettinger at Martin Pettinger Photographs in Milnathort in Perthshire
Neil Fordyce at Neil Fordyce Photography in Dunkeld
Angus Forbes at AM Forbes Photography in Blairgowrie
David Ho at David Ho Photography in Edinburgh
Paul Walker at Paul Walker Images in Ayrshire

The videographers I've worked with include:

Iain Johnston at Wedding Video Services in Crieff
Allister and Elaine Gourlay at Gee Whiz in Glasgow
Graham McKay at Graham's Digital Productions in Glasgow
Billy Graham at Graham Video in Edinburgh
James Strange at Strange Worx
Andy Lenihan at Glasgow Wedding Videos

And don't forget that like most Celebrants, photographers and videographers are usually happy to travel, so don't let the fact that one isn't local put you off!

It's up to you what you want to do about your guests taking photos during the ceremony and I usually make an announcement about that (and about the dreaded mobile phones!) before the ceremony begins. Some couples are quite happy to have their guests snap away throughout the whole ceremony, some prefer to restrict pictures until after the signing and others would prefer their guests not to take any at all. It's up to you!

And by the way, I always take a pic or two of my own after the ceremony because I like to have a photo of every couple I marry - it's a lovely keepsake and a very special reminder of the small part I've played in your big day!

(pic by Keath Bank Photography)

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

Do you have any advice about the exchange of rings?

2009-09-19T11:13:00.024+01:00

Most couples choose to exchange rings on their wedding day and there are a few things to bear in mind for this important element of the ceremony:

The first thing is to remember to bring the rings on the day! I've never had this happen yet, though it was a close call once when the Best Man 'temporarily mislaid' them. We were fortunate that the couple were getting married at the family home and he could dash inside to get them! The look on his face when he realised that he didn't have them was priceless!
If you have a particularly nervous Best Man, advise him not to handle the rings in case he drops them! If they're in a box, he can simply open the box and present it to the Celebrant to take the rings out.
If your hands are hot, the ring can be a tight fit and you might experience some difficulty in getting it onto your partners finger. The first thing is not to worry about this - it happens to a lot of people and can actually be a sweet, funny and memorable part of the ceremony! Just take your time and it'll go on eventually! In this lovely wedding at The Roman Camp Hotel, John decided to put his own ring on after Jan had been struggling with it for some time!

(picture by the excellent Trevor Wilson at Silverphotography)

If you want to be on the safe side, a little Vaseline smeared around the inside of each ring before the ceremony can help, as can bending the knuckle as you put the ring on.
You might want to think about whether you want the Celebrant to handle your rings or not. Personally I like to hold them for a moment and talk about the symbolism of the rings on your wedding day.

(picture by another great professional wedding photographer, Jen Owens)

I would then pass them to you to place on each others' finger, whilst repeating a few simple words such as:

"Paul, I give you this ring as a symbol of our love and marriage"

You could also consider having a wedding band 'warming'. This involves the rings (usually tied together with ribbon) being passed around all of your guests in turn, for them to hold (and 'warm') for a moment of silent thought and well wishing for your marriage. Each person passes the rings on to the next guest, until everyone has held them. And then suitably 'warmed' by everyone, you can exchange them!

Another thing to think about is what to do with your engagement ring and most brides transfer it to their right hand just before the ceremony and then move it back onto their left hand afterwards.
Many couples stick with tradition and decide to give the Best Man the job of keeping the rings safe during the ceremony, but you might want to consider asking someone else - a friend or a member of each side of the family for example. If you have any children amongst your attendants, a Page Boy or Flower Girl could also be the ring bearer. This little ring bearer, Eve, was my youngest ever at just weeks old!

Ring cushions are often used and if you have one, it's essential to tie the rings onto it so that they don't fall off if a wee one (or a big one come to that!) walks down the aisle with them (and by the way, they will of course steal the show!) It's best to practice tying and untying them because you don't want them to be either too tight and difficult to get off, or too loose so that there's a danger of them slipping off!

If you have a wee Page Boy or Flower girl carrying the rings, you might want to consider a fun ring cushion such as this frog:

(well I think it was a frog anyway!)

They say that you should never work with kids or animals, but I don't agree! If you have a dog, why not consider having him or her as a ring bearer? There are of course only certain domestic pets you could do this with and sadly Mr Snuffles the guinea pig probably isn't going to cut it as a ring bearer! But if you have an obedient dog who isn't too excitable, why not consider it? These two (Teddy and Wills) even had little tartan pouches for the rings!

And Claire and Gavin's lovely dog, Bigsby was so well behaved during their ceremony at The Lodge on Loch Lomond in 2009. Despite being surrounded by 100 guests, he was calm and impeccably behaved throughout - not to mention seriously cute!

And when Irene and Steve got married at the top of Dumyat in 2007, their canine guests of honour almost outnumbered the human ones!

I've even had a horse attend a wedding, when Lorna and Vince were married at Solsgirth House

Anyway, I digress! If you have no-one to be a ring bearer or would prefer to hand them to your Celebrant before the ceremony, that's no problem. I usually put them into a nice dish, a quaich or a heart shaped wooden bowl until we need them.

Of course, you don't have to exchange wedding rings at all and sometimes only the bride (or groom) will have a ring. You might decide to exchange something else instead - a lovely fob watch for example:

Or a traditional Scottish luckenbooth brooch. Luckenbooth brooches are usually in the form of intertwined hearts and were traditionally given by the groom to the bride on their wedding day. They date back to the 16th century and were originally sold from locked booths (hence 'luckenbooth') around St. Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh. This style, with the letter M and a crown, were called Mary's Brooches, so called after Mary Queen of Scots was presented with one by her husband Lord Darnley. They have become a symbol of Scottish tradition, love and good luck.

Whatever you decide to exchange will have huge significance for you, both on the day and afterwards - a lasting reminder of the happiness you felt on your wedding day......

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What's so special about Doune Castle?

2009-09-17T16:14:00.035+01:00

Where do I start? Probably by admitting that I'm totally biased because Doune Castle is in my village! It's managed by Historic Scotland whose weddings team based in Edinburgh will answer any queries and help you with your booking. Anyway, I thought that it was about time I wrote something about my nearest wedding venue, especially as it also happens to be one of my dearest! So, what does it have that makes it so special?

It's in a lovely setting for a start, but it's also very convenient for access because it's so close to Stirling and only 5 minutes off the end of the A9.
It's an imposing building, but not too grand and formal

Given that it dates back to the 14th century, it is remarkably well preserved and unlike some castles, it actually has a roof!
There are several different parts of the castle that are suitable for a wedding ceremony - the Great Hall, the Lord's Hall and the kitchen for example

(Doune Castle, Great Hall)

(Doune Castle, Lord's Hall - photo by Martin Pettinger)

(Doune Castle, kitchen)

The courtyard outside is nicely sheltered and a great place for your photos afterwards

And if the weather isn't so good (as if that would ever be the case in Scotland in the summer ha ha!) there are lots of lovely spots inside the castle for photos.

(Pictures by Martin Pettinger)

(picture by Jen Owens)

Inside the castle feels really special - it's cool, tranquil and atmospheric

The acoustics for live music (piper, fiddle or clarsach in particular) are wonderful
The wonderful Historic Scotland staff who run the castle are always obliging and helpful
For those of you out there who are Monty Python fans, much of the film, 'The Holy Grail' was filmed at the castle! That connection just adds another element of fun to your day - you never know, you might hear the clop of horses hooves during your ceremony! Don't worry if you do because it'll just be the tourists borrowing the coconut shells from the shop to re-enact scenes from the film!

There are a few disadvantages, as there are with any venue:

Unlike at Stirling Castle, you can't have your reception there, though you can serve drinks and nibbles
There's a cobbled path up to the castle and then steps (now renovated) to get into the Great Hall, so any elderly guests or those in stilettos need to take extra care.

There will be other visitors wandering around the castle (though the staff always make sure that the ceremony itself is undisturbed!)
As with other Historic Scotland properties, candles are sadly now banned, but as this will prevent damage to precious stonework and antique furnishings, you can understand why.

I really can't think of any other disadvantages! It's a great place to get married and a great place for me as a Marriage Celebrant to conduct ceremonies.

If you decide to book the castle for your big day, you might want to consider the following local venues for your reception afterwards:

The Roman Camp Hotel in Callander
The Dunblane Hydro
Victoria Hall Dunblane
The Dunmar in Alloa
The Royal Hotel at Bridge of Allan
The Park Lodge in Stirling
The Highland Hotel, Stirling
The Golden Lion Hotel, Stirling
The Albert Halls, Stirling

There are local pubs, hotels and halls that would be suitable for a smaller reception too. And if you're looking for accommodation for you or your guests, there are plenty of B&Bs around. Try:

Glenardoch House in Doune
The Woodside Hotel in Doune
The Stable B&B in Doune
Mackeanston House a couple of miles outside the village
Hillview Cottage a mile or so outside the village

There are quite a few lovely self catering cottages in the area too. For example:

Lochend Chalets at the Lake of Menteith
Kilbryde Castle near Dunblane
The Gled Cottage, near Doune
Cardross Holiday Homes near Port of Menteith

It's a lovely area to stay in and Doune is a very central location for exploring the Trossachs. Above all though, Doune Castle is a lovely and very special place to be married!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

Can we get married on an island?

2009-09-17T08:59:00.029+01:00

The short answer is yes, of course! You don't have to be on the Scottish mainland to have a legal humanist marriage - as long as the island is Scottish, that's fine. Theoretically, you could even get married on St. Kilda if you wanted to! If it was possible to arrange the practicalities anyway - it is Scotland's most remote island and very difficult to get to - you'd have to charter a boat and get special permission from The National Trust for Scotland who own it. Mind you, given that that's where I met my husband, I'd be bowled over if anyone ever asked me to conduct a marriage there!

You could of course travel to one of the many beautiful islands off the west coast for your wedding (Skye, Mull, Arran etc..) or up to the northern isles. In central Scotland, Inchmahome Island on the Lake of Menteith used to be available for weddings.

Sadly Historic Scotland, who own it, decided in late 2011 to ban weddings there. As far as I know, there would be nothing to stop you having your wedding photos taken there after your marriage of course. You could have the ceremony at the Lake Hotel or at the self catering lodges (Lochend Chalets) on the shores of the lake, as Julie and Gordon did on Valentine's day a few years ago. Even with cold and misty weather, the lake was stunning (as was the bride!) (the groom wasn't bad either!):

(photo by Dave Hunt)

Other islands in central Scotland you might consider are those on Loch Lomond. There are quite a few to choose from and they each have their own unique character:

Inchmurrin is lovely and has accommodation and a restaurant. My own favourite is Inchcailloch - the views are stunning:

It doesn't have any cover though, so you have to be willing to 'go for it' as far as the weather is concerned! Much of the island is wooded so there's a bit of shelter and if you're outdoor people and don't have a lot of guests (you need to consider the logistics of getting everyone over to the island), it might just suit you perfectly.

If you like Loch Lomond but don't fancy the logistics of ferrying people over to one of the islands, there are a number of great hotels on the western shores including Cameron House, The Cruin, The Lodge on the Loch and Duck Bay Marina

There are fantastic views from many of the lochs in the Trossachs and if you want to be near the water, a few other places to consider for you big day include Loch Ard:

This is the self catering Altskeith House, but you might also consider the Forest Hills Hotel or for a budget option, the newly renovated Kinlochard village hall

Loch Venachar is stunning too and these are views from the Harbour Cafe (see Venachar Lochside):

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

We like the idea of using a quaich in our ceremony - how can we do this?

2009-01-04T16:05:00.028Z

The quaich is a traditional Scottish two handled drinking cup. The word quaich comes from the Gaelic word 'cuach' or cup. They can be made of wood, pottery, silver or pewter and come in a range of sizes.

The quaich is often referred to as 'the loving cup' or cup of welcome or friendship and its two handles make it ideal for sharing.

It is unique to Scotland and part of the tradition of Celtic hospitality was that of welcoming guests with a drink from a quaich. Sharing a cup was also seen as a sign of trust between the people drinking from it - because it is offered and taken with both hands, the drinker could not hold a weapon at the same time and the sharing of the drink was also a guarantee that it hadn't been poisoned!

King James VI of Scotland presented a quaich to Anne of Denmark on the occasion of their marriage in 1589 and since then quaichs have often been used in wedding ceremonies. Drinking from the same cup is a lovely symbol of the love and trust between the couple. Because it is traditionally 'the cup of welcome', drinking from it can also be seen as a way of welcoming the bride and groom into each others' family too.

There are lots of ideas for incorporating a quaich into your ceremony:

You could each hold onto the cup for the other when you drink, symbolising your togetherness. But guys, just watch you don't spill any drink down your bride's lovely dress or you'll be in BIG trouble!

(David didn't spill any down Claire's dress by the way!)

You could drink bubbly from your quaich to celebrate your marriage, though it is of course traditional to drink whisky.

You could have two different drinks to pour into the quaich, the mixing of the two being symbolic of your union as a married couple. Whisky and water are an obvious choice, but if you don't like a dram, there's nothing to stop you from having gin and tonic or Bacardi and coke!You might also want to symbolise your respective roots by, for example, mixing water from two different sources, such as Irish and Scottish spring water:

(The wee green bottle was Tipperary water!)

Karen and Scott recently decided to mix the Scottish tradition of the quaich with what Scott told me was the Canadian tradition of drinking vast quantities of Moose Head beer!

You could alternatively use Scotland's real national drink - Irn Bru! Karen and Paul did this when they got married in 2008 because they wanted their children to share the drink. Their ceremony was as much about celebrating family life as it was about their marriage!

You could pass the quaich to your attendants (bridesmaid and Best Man), to your respective families or indeed to all of your guests, as a lovely way of sharing your love, trust and happiness with them.
The quaich could be handed to the bride by the groom's parents and then to the groom by the bride's parents as a way of welcoming each into the others' family.

You could have the quaich engraved with your names and the date of your marriage.

Or you could buy one with a design of hearts:

This lovely one was made by Uig Pottery on Skye who do a lovely range of quaichs

If you don't want to buy your own, I have quaichs in various sizes and I'm more than happy to bring one along for you to use on the day. This is my favourite - it's not too big or too small and is nicely decorated:

You could use the quaich in other ways too - to pour sand into would be one idea. The grains of sand can never again be separated once they are mixed together and you could use that as a way to symbolise your unity as a couple.
You could use the quaich as a container for water, perhaps bringing water from two different sources to represent your respective family roots. The water could then be sprinkled onto your joined hands as a way of wishing you good luck.
For the wedding of Calum and Jo a few years ago, we used a quaich with white heather blossom in it and mixed it with corn pollen from a Navajo Indian marriage basket. This was a lovely way to acknowledge their respective roots and to symbolise the joining together of their lives in marriage.

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

Where are there great places to get married in central Scotland?

2009-01-02T10:47:00.063Z

STOP PRESS! Historic Scotland have decided that weddings will no longer be allowed at a number of their properties in the central belt and they include Inchmahome Island, Tullibardine Chapel, Innerpeffray Chapel and Cambuskenneth Abbey. If you need more information about this, phone the wedding team on 0131 668 8916

Great places to get married? This is a matter of opinion of course and it's well worth spending some time visiting potential venues to see which ones suit your needs best and have the right 'feel'. In this part of the world, there are numerous lovely places to get married and although this isn't an exhaustive list, here are a few suggestions to get you going! Some of them are suitable for both your ceremony and the reception and others just for the ceremony. By the way, I've listed mainly local venues here, but I'm also quite happy to travel further afield to conduct weddings too! The beauty of living in central Scotland is that I can travel easily to numerous locations north, south, east and west! Here are some great local venues including fabulous hotels with great food, castles, other historic places and places with spectacular views:

Fabulous hotels with great food!

Monachyle Mhor, Balquhidder (pictured)

The Roman Camp Hotel

Glenskirlie Castle, Banknock

Cromlix House, Kinbuck

The Gleneagles Hotel, Auchterarder

Castles:

The Great Hall, tower rooms or terraces at Castle Campbell, Dollar (pictured)

The Great Hall or the Chapel Royal at Stirling Castle

The Great Hall, Laird’s Hall or kitchen at Doune Castle

Culcreuch Castle, Fintry

Airth Castle, near Stirling

Glenskirlie Castle at Banknock

Other historic places:

Argyll’s Lodging, Stirling (pictured)
Alloa Tower

The Royal Burgh of Culross

The Wallace Monument, Stirling

Gean House, Alloa

Solsgirth House, by Dollar

Linlithgow Palace

Callendar House at Falkirk

Places with spectacular views:

Loch Lomond, including the islands such as Inchmurrin and Inchcallioch (pictured)

Venues on the western shores of Loch Lomond such asCameron House, Duck Bay Marina, Lodge on Loch Lomond and The Cruin

Or venues on the eastern shores of Loch Lomond such as Rowardennan Youth Hostel and the Waterfront Lodges at Balmaha

The David Marshall Lodge, Aberfoyle

Dumyat hill, Stirling

Monachyle Mhor, Balquhidder

Castle Campbell, Dollar

The Harbour Café, Loch Venachar

The Lake Hotel, Lake of Mentieth

Loch Katrine (and the SS Sir Walter Scott)

Roman Camp Hotel in Callander
Comrie Croft
The Forest Hills Hotel at Kinlochard

Other ideas:

You will have noticed that there are one or two chapels mentioned in the lists above. Although humanist marriages are entirely non-religious in content, it isn't usually a problem (though check with your Celebrant first) to hold the ceremony in a building of religious significance, if it is no longer used for regular worship. Many old chapels have been beautifully renovated and make lovely settings for a wedding - such as Glencorse near Edinburgh :

The other thing you might be considering is getting married in your own home or garden and I have conducted some lovely relaxed and informal weddings in such settings. If the house isn't big enough or you'd prefer to be in the garden, you can hire a marquee, either large or small, as shown below:

If you have an out building, a barn or a byre, this could be converted and decorated for the big day. A bit of whitewash, an inexpensive carpet and some nice decorations completely transformed this one for example:

And you might want to consider your local village or community hall too - with a bit of decoration, these places can make lovely (and often inexpensive) venues for weddings!

And finally, don't forget that Humanist Celebrants can conduct legal marriages ANYWHERE in Scotland without the need for a civil licence, so if you have an idea for something unusual of different, just let us know!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

We're worried about our vows - do you have any tips?

2008-07-02T17:08:00.028+01:00

The exchange of vows is undoubtedly the most important part of the ceremony and often the most meaningful and moving. It's important to think carefully about the promises you want to make to each other, so that the words are sincere and heartfelt. One couple who gave a lot of thought to their vows recently was Alan and Fiona:

"Alan and I have written our own vows, and we have tried to include promises which are important to us and our relationship. We decided to write these together, as we were keen to make the same promises as each other. However, while we will each say more or less the same thing, there are a couple of lines which are different – and which represent sort of “mirror image” promises, rather than the exact same one.
We had some fun writing them, and it’s fair to say, some disagreements – we can each be quite strong-willed, so there were some passionate debates over the choice each and every word, as well as the sequence of the promises... But, I think we have finally come up with a version which we are both really happy with... We had a bit of a practice the other night, and I had goosebumps (and tears in my eyes!). I think they are all promises which we already try to live by – but somehow the idea of saying them out loud, in front of other people, brings a whole new significance..."

Fiona and Alan were well prepared and said their vows beautifully on the day, but this is often the part of the ceremony that couples worry most about - What should we say to one another? How nervous twill I be? Will I get a fit of the giggles? Will I get all emotional? Will I get through them?

Please don't worry - we're here to help and the following tips might be useful:

If you've no idea at this stage what you might want to say to each other, that's no problem. When I meet couples, I always talk through this aspect of the ceremony with them, in order to allay any fears. I have examples for you too and you can take these away to help you to put your own together - they will give you some idea of what you might say and how you might phrase your words. Most couples use the examples as a way to inspire them to write their own, but you could simply pick one off the list if you particularly liked one of them. You don't have to say the same words to each other (though many couples do) and you might even want to keep your vows a secret for one another until the day. Whatever you decide, discuss any concerns you might have with your Celebrant, who will be able to help and advise you.
Please don't worry about getting the giggles! Humanist ceremonies often have a relaxed and informal feel to them (though they can obviously be formal and traditional if that is what you want) so it's not like getting getting caught giggling in assembly at school (so you did that too then?!). Nor is the Celebrant going to be disapproving in any way - in fact, it's much more likely that they will laugh along with you! You should enjoy your wedding ceremony and feel comfortable with whatever emotions you're feeling at the time.

(This is Deborah and Zach during their lovely informal wedding in 2006)

Don't worry about getting emotional either. I'm always on hand with tissues to pass to you if you need them - or just an encouraging little word to help you to carry on. I can even take over altogether if you really dry up - but you won't, so relax!
Nerves can sometimes get to you, but again, I'll be there to reassure you and I'll whisper things like 'take a deep breath' to you!
There are different ways to express your vows to each other:

You can phrase your vows as a question (you decide what the question is obviously) that I, as your Marriage Celebrant, ask. You then simply respond, 'I do' or if it's a joint question, 'we will'. This is a good option if you're feeling nervous and would prefer not to say too much during the ceremony.
You can make a short statement to each other. I usually advise that you read from a card rather than putting yourself under pressure by trying to memorise the words. I'll pass you the card at the appropriate time and that in itself will give you confidence.

(Pictured here are Lynne and Adam, now Mr and Mrs Higgins at their wedding at Monachyle Mhor. Aren't Lynne's flowers lovely? This is a wedding flower bracelet or wrist corsage by Floristic Design)

One thing that I find helps a lot is to hold hands and I'll always invite you to do this as you exchange your vows.
Look at each other when you exchange your vows, rather than looking at me. As I often remind couples, you're marrying each other and not me! And it doesn't matter if you speak quietly either - the vows are between you as bride and groom...

(This is Carol and Thomas at their wedding by the river at the lovely The Roman Camp Hotel, picture by Paul Walker Images

There's something very reassuring about holding each others' hands if you're feeling a bit wobbly! And if you have children, it's a nice idea to include them too, by making promises to them as well as to each other during your vows. You can also have them standing with you while you exchange your vows on the day, as Jay and Ian did at Monachyle Mhor

Make your vows short and sweet too. You can almost certainly say what you want to say in a few sentences and there's less chance of breaking down.

In addition to your personal vows, you are also required to make a legal declaration to each other (see my posting about the legal procedures) and I usually do this in a 'repeat after me' format. Many couples find this format very reassuring because you can't really go wrong - there's no pressure on you to remember anything.

Whatever worries and concerns you have about your vows, discuss them with your Celebrant and you'll find that they will give you all sorts of advice and help!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What do we need to do about the legal procedures?

2008-06-27T16:14:00.061+01:00

(Picture by Martin Weir Photography)

The first thing to stress is that the legal procedures are very straightforward! However, the following points should help you through the process:

What does the paperwork consist of?

Marriage Notices

In order to be legally married, you need to obtain Marriage Notice (M10) forms. You fill one in each - basically to inform the registrar that you want to marry each other! It is always advisable to phone the Registrar before submitting your Marriage Notices, to make sure that you have all the necessary supporting documents and to check their fees. This is what the Marriage Notice Form looks like:

The Marriage Schedule

The Marriage Schedule is the document that you, your Celebrant and your two witnesses sign on the day and this is what it looks like (though yours won't have 'specimen' written all over it obviously!):

The Marriage Certificate

You will be sent your Marriage Certificate when the Marriage Schedule has been submitted to the Registrar after the wedding. This is the document you get to keep, your proof that you are legally married!

What if we aren't UK citizens?

It is important to check carefully with the Registrar to see what additional documentation you need in order to marry in Scotland. You will need evidence of your nationality and if you are not a European (EEA) citizen, other documentation will also be required. The website for the Registrar General for Scotland gives useful information and guidelines on this.

It would also be advisable to phone the local Registrar for advice too and you should do this as soon as you possibly can so that there is no danger of the paperwork not being through on time!

When do we have to submit our paperwork?

You can't submit the paperwork until 12 weeks before the wedding, but you can get the forms all ready to send off. You can collect a marriage pack from the Registrar or go onto the website for the Registrar General for Scotland to download everything.

The guidelines suggest that you submit your Marriage Notices to the Registrar 4-6 weeks before the wedding, but it can be done 12 weeks before and personally, I always advise couples to do it as early as possible within this time. It's an important job that you can then tick off your TO DO list!

The Marriage Schedule (the document you sign on your wedding day) is usually available to collect from the Registrar about a week before the wedding and you will need to collect it in person (either you or your partner, not necessarily both of you). All you have to do then is to remember to bring it along on the day! Your Celebrant will almost certainly remind you about it - but bear in mind that they will not be able to legally marry you without the Marriage Schedule! In fact, they wouldn't even be able to pretend to do so and catch up with the paperwork later on - solemnising a marriage without the necessary documentation is actually a criminal offence, believe it or not! So, don't give us a heart attack on that one folks! Remember to collect your Marriage Schedule from the Registrar and remember to bring it along on the day of the wedding!

The signed Marriage Schedule then has to be returned to the same Registrar within 3 days of the marriage taking place (note, 3 days, NOT 3 working days!) and anyone can do this for you, so you can breath a sigh of relief if you're going away on honeymoon immediately after the wedding and don't have time to do it yourselves! Well, you can if you've entrusted this important job to someone responsible anyway! Once the Registrar has your signed Marriage Schedule, they can register your marriage and issue your Marriage Certificate.

Which Registrar do we submit our Marriage Notices to?

It is important to submit the paperwork to the right Registrar and one quick phone call to them in advance will put you right. Basically, it has to be a Registrar within the Registration District where the wedding is to take place - i.e. not the one local to your home, but the one local to the wedding venue. Registration Districts cover large areas and there will be several Registration Offices in each district. You can submit your paperwork to any one of these offices, as long as it is the right Registration District for the venue. So, for example, if you were getting married at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander, it would make sense to submit your Marriage Notices to the Callander Registrar, but you could, if you wanted to, submit them to any other Register Office in the Stirling district, including Aberfoyle or Dunblane for example.

Registration districts are now aligned with Local Authority areas and the main Register Officer for venues in the central belt are as follows:

Stirling – Customer First Shop, 1-5 Port Street, Stirling, FK8 2EJ. Tel. 01786 432343. Email: registrar@stirling.gov.uk Website: Stirling Registrar
Alloa – Marshill House, Alloa, FK10 1AB. Tel. 01259 723850. Email: registration@clacks.gov.uk Website: Alloa Registrar
Falkirk – Old Burgh Buildings, Newmarket Street, Falkirk, FK1 1JE. Tel 01324 506580. Email: registration@falkirk.gov.uk Website:Falkirk Registrar
Perth and Kinross – 5 High Street, Perth, PH1 5JS. Tel. 01738 475121. Email: perth-registrars@pkc.gov.uk Website: Perth and Kinross Registrar

Where can we get married?
If you choose a Humanist ceremony, don't forget that the venue doesn't have to have a Civil Licence as it would if a Registrar was to conduct a ceremony there. This means that you can have a legal Humanist marriage ANYWHERE IN SCOTLAND without the need for the venue to be licensed in any way. The only proviso is that the location is "safe and dignified".

It is important to stress that the marriage MUST take place on the date and in the place detailed on the Marriage schedule. So for example, if you plan to marry outdoors and have a contingency plan to move to another location indoors if the weather is bad, you will need to double check those arrangements with the Registrar before the day.

What happens on the day?

On the day of the wedding, it is vital to remember to bring along the Marriage Schedule and to hand it to your Marriage Celebrant before the ceremony. You need 2 people to witness and sign it and they can be anyone, known or unknown to you, related or unrelated, as long as they are 16 years of age or over. The Registrar may ask you for the details of the witnesses before the day of the wedding.

(and yes, the wee one in the background definitely isn't old enough to be a witness!)

As part of the Humanist ceremony and in addition to whatever personal vows or promises you wish to make, you will each be asked to make a declaration to the other. This is a legal necessity and the declaration can take various forms, but is usually along the lines of repeating a statement, such as the following, after the Celebrant:

"I Mary Jane Jones / solemnly and sincerely declare / that I accept you Peter John Smith / as my lawfully wedded husband"

Once you have each made such a declaration, the Celebrant is required to make a legal declaration to pronounce you husband and wife - and I can safely say that this makes our job the best in the world! It's a pleasure and a privilege!

Immediately after these declarations, the Marriage Schedule is then signed.

Please note the following:

Signing: the bride signs in her maiden name or the name she was known by before the wedding (a previous married name for example). In other words girls, you don’t sign in your new married name (if you’re changing it of course)! The Schedule is also signed by the Celebrant and by the two witnesses.
The pen: A special pen is required for the signing, but your Celebrant will supply it. It has to be a permanent black ink pen and if the Registrar mentions it, you can reassure them that your Celebrant has such a pen!

The signatures: There may also be a signature form with the Schedule – so that the Registrar can decipher your signatures (do you sign as Mary Jane Jones, M. Jones or M.J. Jones for example?) Your Celebrant should fill this form in for you.

This woman is very happy at her work! (aye, it's me!)

Returning the Schedule: Once the Marriage Schedule has been signed, it is essential that it is returned to the same Registrar who issued it, within 3 days of the wedding. If you are unable to return it yourself, you will need to ask someone trustworthy and responsible to do it for you. The Celebrant will ask who that person is and ensure that the Schedule is in their safekeeping after the ceremony. Once the Registrar has the signed Marriage Schedule, they will then prepare and send you a copy of the Marriage Certificate - and now that you're legally married, you can celebrate and live happily ever after!

(This is Mike and Alison Swan after their 2006 wedding at Doune Castle)

What if we have any questions?
If you have any queries about the legal stuff, you Celebrant might be able to help, but the first port of call should ideally be the Registrar. The contact details of all Registrars in Scotland and advice of a more general nature can be found on the website for the Registrar General for Scotland

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What is distinctive about a humanist wedding?

2008-04-18T19:38:00.019+01:00

Well, the first thing to say is that they are humanist of course! Humanist weddings are inclusive and because they concentrate on the things we all have in common, they tend to appeal to everyone, regardless of their individual beliefs. Humanism is a non-religious but ethical life stance about respecting and caring for one another and the world in which we live (good without god if you like!). If your granny is a church goer, she might be a bit bemused (or even concerned) about what a humanist ceremony involves, but you can reassure her that she'll probably love it! People who haven't been to one of our ceremonies before don't always 'get it' beforehand - but I can almost guarantee that they will 'get it' afterwards. Even people with strong religious beliefs have often remarked afterwards on how much they enjoyed the ceremony. I should stress that there is NEVER anything anti-religious in our ceremonies - they are non-religious, but always in the context of humanist principles and values about consideration and respect for others. If you're unsure about whether a humanist ceremony is truly reflective of your beliefs, why not look at the Humanist Society of Scotland website quiz - it's interesting and good fun! Our authorisation from the Registrar General to conduct legal marriages is on the basis that we are conducting humanist marriages and we therefore ask that couples become members of the Humanist Society. This entitles you to our quarterly magazine and you can attend meetings and conferences if you want to. The current membership fees are detailed on our website.

These days, whatever form of marriage you choose (civil, religious or humanist), you can make your ceremony personal and humanist ceremonies are certainly that! Basically, as a Marriage Celebrant, my job is to tailor-make each ceremony for each couple and that makes your day very special and my job an absolute joy!

Couples sometimes ask me, "Do we have to write our own ceremony?" And the answer is simple:

Yes, if you want to!
No, if you don't want to!

In my experience, I have found that many couples haven't got a clue where to begin and the way I usually work is to meet with you for a chat about what's important to you. I'll help you to decide on readings, music, symbolic gestures (such as candle lighting, hand fasting and so on) your vows and lots of the practical things you need to think about (where to stand, how to enter, how to set the room out etc..) It's also good to get to know a bit about you too and this all helps me to design a ceremony that is sincere and meaningful to you. After our first meeting, I will draft the ceremony for you and email it to you so that you can make any changes to it - and I always stress that it's very much a first draft, that you can make ANY amendments, additions and deletions you want to! The most important thing is that it is YOUR big day! Humanists believe in taking responsibility for their own actions and if you want to take responsibility for writing your own ceremony, that's great too - and I'll always be on hand to guide and advise you!

There is a lot of scope for fun at a wedding and it's important for you and your guests to feel relaxed and comfortable. Yes, your ceremony can be very formal and traditional, if you want it to be, but if you want a bit of fun and laughter, that's no problem! Personally, I love a bit of banter during a wedding and if someone makes a funny remark at any point, that's great by me!

(This is Christina and David having a laugh during their ceremony on the terrace at the Forest Hills Hotel in Kinlochard)

(And this photo of Lisa Ann and Jonas at the Dunkeld House Hotel was taken by the excellent Perthshire based wedding photographer, Neil Fordyce)

For many couples it's about getting a balance, a ceremony that has an informal and light hearted feel to it in parts (such as in the photo of Lisa Ann and Jonas above), but is also serious, moving and formal when it needs to be - this is Sarah and Mike for example, exchanging their vows of commitment at Monachyle Mhor:

At the end of the day, whatever choices you make about the type, style, content or structure of your wedding ceremony, it will be distinctive because you are distinctive!

One of the brides I married recently, the lovely Fiona, now Mrs McKenna, told me that:

"For me, one of the really special things about choosing a Humanist ceremony is how much time we have spent as a couple just thinking about our relationship and our thoughts on marriage, and how these can be best reflected in our ceremony. With all the time and effort spent on the choices for the dresses, the flowers, the menu etc, it would be easy to get caught up and forget the most important part of the day – the vows. So I’m really glad that having a Humanist ceremony has allowed us to keep the focus on just that…….remembering why we are getting married in the first place, rather than stressing about seating plans and favours……"

I think that says it all!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

How can we incorporate candle lighting into our ceremony?

2008-04-18T18:42:00.020+01:00

The lighting of candles is a lovely symbolic gesture to include in your ceremony. I usually suggest that you each light a candle near the start of the ceremony (to symbolise your separate lives before your marriage) and then light a third one after you have exchanged your vows and rings (to symbolise the joining together of your lives in marriage). The 'marriage' candle is lit by each of you taking a flame from each of the first two candles and lighting the third one together. This makes a nice photograph as you can see in this picture of Margaret and Jay during their wedding at the historic Alloa Tower

Or this one of Fiona and Paul at their wedding at the The Millennium Hotel in Glasgow:

I suggest that you buy your own candles (it's nice to have them to light on your anniversary for years to come!) and when you go shopping, the things to bear in mind are:

It's nice if you have two candles that are the same and one that is different - in colour, size, shape or design
You need holders or stands for your candles

You can even have the candles personalised for your wedding:

You need to arrange or ask the venue to arrange a table for them to be placed on during the ceremony and it's nice to provide some decoration - a nice cloth, some flowers etc..
You don't need to worry about where to get a flame from and we won't be asking anyone for a cigarette lighter during the ceremony! I'll supply the tapers (as shown in the Alloa Tower picture above) and I'll have a tea light burning throughout the ceremony

Florists can sometimes incorporate candles into flower arrangements for weddings, as shown in these lovely examples:

One thing to bear in mind with candles is the hazard of having naked flame:

If you have a veil, keep well away from the candles!
Keep any children amongst your guests well away from them too!
Some candle wicks smoke badly when they're blown out, so watch out for smoke alarms being set off!

Some hotels ban the lighting of candles anyway, so double check with your venue beforehand. Historic Scotland have now banned the use of candles in their properties in order to prevent damage to precious stone work and antique furnishings. If candles aren't allowed at your venue, but you still want to decorate the room, you could consider the use of fairy lights or flameless candles. There is now a huge range of these battery operated candles on the market and although these are obviously not suitable to use as a symbolic gesture in your ceremony (flicking a switch just doesn't have the same feeling does it?!), they look lovely as a way of decorating your venue. A quick Google search will reveal lots of choice! Look at Smart Candle for example. I think they can look quite good and some people won't even notice that they aren't real candles. Here are some at Doune Castle:

If you're outdoors, candles can of course blow out easily, so think about having garden candles, oil burning candles, storm lanterns or something similar to protect the flame. The ones in this vase for example stayed lit during the whole ceremony and it was quite breezy!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

How do we choose readings and poetry?

2008-04-13T09:36:00.025+01:00

There is such a vast array of lovely wedding poetry out there that you may find yourselves spoiled for choice! Alternatively, you might find yourselves having to wade through huge quantities of unsuitable stuff (some religious, some cheesy, some just badly written) on the internet. There are some very nice wedding poetry books on the market though and I particularly like, 'Handfast', which is a book of Scottish poetry for weddings (published by the Scottish Poetry Library in 2004) and 'Heartsongs' by Pinky Agnew (published by Rider, 2006). The Humanist Society also have a huge collection of lovely non-religious poetry and readings and when I meet with couples to discuss the wedding ceremony, I always give them a copy of the collection so that they can choose something themselves. I would usually include 2 or 3 readings in a ceremony, but it's fine to have more or less than that - the most important thing is to find poems you like and that express your thoughts and feelings about each other and about your wedding day.

Of course you also need to consider carefully who is going to read for you.
I quite often read all of the poetry and am very happy to do so - but many couples like to involve friends or a members of the family by asking them to read a poem during the ceremony.

It's an important thing to ask someone to do for you and there are a few things to consider:

Choose someone you know won't feel too nervous on the day, someone who feels comfortable with public speaking.
Choose someone who you feel will do the poem justice, who will read it well for you.
Give them plenty of notice and send them a copy of what you'd like them to read. You could alternatively ask them to choose something for you and as well as being a really nice way of adding an element of surprise to the ceremony, this can also be very moving too.
Ask the reader to contact the Celebrant before the ceremony to discuss where and when the reading will be placed and where they should stand etc..

If you have children (either your own or in your wider circle of friends or family) and would like to involve them in the ceremony, why not get them to do a reading for you? If you choose the reading carefully and the child is confident, it can add something very special to the ceremony. In fact, they will probably steal the show with the 'cute factor'! This is Hanni reading a poem for her mum and 'poppy' (as she calls her step dad) at their recent wedding at Inchcailloch island on Loch Lomond:

One of my all time favourite poems was read at a wedding this week, Christine de Luca's 'Journey' which is published in the Scottish Poetry Library book, 'Handfast':

Today you see far down a mountainside,

out over islands to your far horizon.

Your sight is sharp, your goal clear, and tides

of love lap round all your desiring.

Two sets of footprints you will make, but true

companions on this journey you’ll become.

When you slip out of step, think of today;

relive again its close embrace of freedom.

May truest feelings stir you as the wind

disturbs the loch, or smirr on cotton grass.

May you find bliss in ordinariness

and joy forever in its present tense.

(Reproduced with the kind permission of the author)

And here are the lovely Nicola and Simon, who chose this stunning reading, beginning their journey after their wedding at Glenskirlie Castle:

Another idea to consider with readings is to have something that all your guests read together. This especially suits well wishings (or 'blessings' for want of a better word) at the end of your ceremony. The reading needs to be fairly short and sweet and you can either print the words in an Order of Ceremony or have it done in a 'repeat after me' format (i.e. the Celebrant reads a line and everyone repeats it). This is one of my personal favourites and it's by an unknown author:

May your home be a place of happiness for all who enter it;
a place where the old and young are renewed in each other’s company,
a place for growing and a place for sharing,
a place for music, a place for laughter and a place for love.........

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

Should we risk an outdoor wedding?

2008-04-06T11:52:00.033+01:00

For many couples, an outdoor ceremony is their preferred option and it often adds a nicely relaxed air to the proceedings. If you have a particular affinity with the natural world, it might be really important to you to get married outdoors, with the sights and sounds of nature all around you.

If you're in the grounds of a hotel, the venue may arrange to have seating and even a red carpet to create an aisle, but quite often the guests will simply stand in informal groups instead (perhaps with a few seats for elderly guests). An outdoor wedding always carries a risk though - what do you do if the weather is bad? You might be lucky and get a day like this at Shieldaig Lodge in Gairloch a few years ago:

We certainly needed the sunscreen that day and midge repellent comes in pretty handy in certain parts of Scotland (north and west mainly) and certain times of the year (summer months) too! The following wedding of Kelly and John at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander was another lovely day and the sun sparkling off the water gave the whole wedding a magical quality.

(This wedding was also videoed by James at Strageworx Productions and if you follow this link, you can see a web version of Kelly and John's DVD: http://www.strangeworx.com/kellyandjohn/)

The Trossachs is full of wonderful locations for weddings and another stunning day at Loch Venachar brought with it another challenge. It looks spectacular, but it was quite windy and Laura's veil was a bit troublesome at times! Not that she minded and she and her new husband Graeme had a great day!

(Photo by Ed Smith)

That wasn't quite as challenging as the really windy day we had when Monica and Lars were married at The Waterfront Lodges at Balmaha! But the sun shone for them, it was a fabulous day and nothing beats being married out of doors!

They sometimes put a marquee up at the Waterfront Lodges for the ceremony and during the heavy rainfall of September 2010, the waters of Loch Lomond were a lot higher than normal. Fortunately we didn't get washed away and the lovely view and the sound of the lapping waves made a wonderful backdrop for the ceremony:

Of course, you might get a day like this when Monica and Andy got married at the lochside at Glen Finglas in August 2007:

Or even like this one at Leckmelm Gardens in Ullapool that brought a whole new meaning to the expression 'white wedding'! It was freezing, but great fun!

So, if you're considering an outdoor wedding, the following might be worth bearing in mind:

Have a good contingency plan - a nice indoor space that could be used for the ceremony if the weather is really bad

If you're still keen to have the ceremony outside, consider a more sheltered spot, under some trees perhaps

I can provide fabulous flowery or plain white wedding brollies

You could delay the ceremony slightly in case the weather improves - this might be possible if your guests and your Celebrant are willing

You could just go for it regardless - and warn your guests to bring their waterproofs, brollies, sensible shoes and thermals! You'll still have great fun! This is a very happy Paul and Vikki getting married on Inchmahome Island - we all got very wet, but it was a wedding to remember!

By the way, it is considered good luck for it to rain on your wedding day! And there's nothing wrong with a bride in wellies! This is Lynne and Adam after their wedding at the fabulous Monachyle Mhor near Balquhidder:

Whatever you do, warn the Registrar that the location may be subject to a last minute change and ask their advice. It is vital that the wedding takes place on the date and in the location shown on the Marriage Schedule. It's also important to ensure that the Schedule doesn't get wet or damaged in any way, so ensure that it's properly protected if you're outside.

Even this week when it was really cold and windy, I conducted an outdoor wedding for Paul and Karen on the stunningly beautiful Inchcailloch Island on Loch Lomond. This was the lovely wedding party on the summit (what a view!), but it was much too windy to conduct the ceremony there, so we retreated to the more sheltered beach on the other side of the island. And we managed to conduct the ceremony just before the first day trippers arrived with their picnics and BBQ stuff! It was a lovely wedding - relaxed and intimate, with only their friends (who acted as witnesses), their little girls, me and the photographers (Willie and Cara McGlaughlin) present.

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

What if I get emotional on the day?

2008-04-06T11:13:00.025+01:00

No worries! Feeling emotional on your wedding day is natural and I’ll always have tissues at the ready! So far my record is a five hankie wedding by the way! They were all for the bride on that occasion, but actually, it’s often the grooms who go first – so be warned guys! This is Steve (getting emotional) and Julie at their wedding at the Fortingall Hotel in Perthshire:

The bride's entry is often the point at which the guys need a tissue:

(photo by Angus Forbes)

But it can get to you at any time during the ceremony. Mind you, I think Patrick's tears during his marriage to the lovely Alison at the Forest Hills Hotel in Kinlochard were actually tears of joy!

(photo by Alan Hutchison)

He was a very happy boy at the end of the ceremony anyway!

(photo by Alan Hutchison)

Please don't worry about the tears! An important part of my job on the day is to reassure you and above all, to help you to relax and enjoy your ceremony! Don't ever forget that I'll 'be there' for you on the day to guide you through:

(photo of Kyle and Yvonne at their wedding at Broomhall Castle in Menstrie taken by Martin Weir Photography)

This is Lorna and John during their ceremony at the stunning Blair Castle in Blair Atholl. The pic was taken by Simon Grosset at q-photography

This is Joanne and Russell after their recent wedding at the Roman Camp Hotel and although they look relaxed here, they were both quite emotional during the ceremony too.

Don't they both look splendid in red though? And check that sporran out! Just in case you want a close up, here it is in all it's glory:

As you can imagine, this attracted quite a few funny (and naughty) comments on the day and in fact, the ceremony was full of fun and laughter! The photos for this wedding were taken by Tom and Donna Collins at Stylish Images and the DVD was by Grahams Digital Productions

The following video clip, courtesy of Graham, will give you a feel for the way in which weddings can be both fun and emotional at the same time. By the way, I should point out that the quality of the clip has been significantly reduced to upload it to this blog and that the original is of superbly high definition!

Crying apart, couples often get worried about getting a fit of the giggles during the ceremony. Lots of people giggle when they’re nervous, but you’ll find a humanist ceremony much more relaxed than being in church and if you feel like laughing, that’s great! I think it’s important to inject a bit of humour into a wedding ceremony – it’s all about having fun! The ceremony shouldn’t be an ordeal, it should be a really enjoyable part of the day - for you and your guests! This is Phyllis and William at their 2003 wedding in Callander having a good laugh and for me, this photo really sums up the joy of what was a very relaxed and enjoyable occasion:

Weddings are so much fun and I just love it when there's some laughter to break the tension - it helps everyone to enjoy the ceremony and turns what you might fear is going to be a nerve racking occasion into one that is relaxed and enjoyable:

(photo of Claire and David by Tom Collins)

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

How do we choose a venue?

2008-04-05T16:53:00.037+01:00

STOP PRESS! Historic Scotland have decided that weddings will now only be allowed at 21 of their 300+ properties and if you need more information about this, phone the wedding team on 0131 668 8916

So, how do we choose a venue? Many couples choosing a humanist ceremony decide to have the whole day (ceremony and reception) in one place and this has lots of practical advantages (not having to move your guests from A to B being a big one!) Because humanist ceremonies are non-religious (I should stress here that they are never anti religious!) a church building isn't usually an option. But there are so many other places to choose from - hotels, historic buildings, stately homes, National Trust properties or Historic Scotland properties etc.... Not to mention many lovely outdoor places - in fact, you have the whole of Scotland at your disposal and don't forget that an authorised Humanist Celebrant can conduct a legal marriage anywhere (yes, anywhere!) in Scotland without the need for a civil licence!

Choosing the right venue is as much about the right 'feel' of the place as it is about the practicalities (size, location, cost and so on). You may be looking for something formal or something informal or something in between, but there's a huge choice out there, from the elegant splendour of The George Hotel Edinburgh to the rustic charms of Comrie Croft!

One of my personal favourites is the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander.

Shona, the wedding planner there, is so friendly and helpful - she'll look after you really well and as well as being stunning, the hotel has a wonderfully warm and relaxed atmosphere - you have to visit to see what I mean. The food is superb too by the way and the canapés are the best for miles around! Weddings are conducted various parts of the hotel, including the lovely old library:

It also has a tiny chapel off it where the Marriage Schedule can be signed:

Or you can sign in the library itself:

There are other rooms within the hotel that can be used for wedding ceremonies including the main restaurant:

The grounds are beautiful too, so an outdoor wedding down at the river is another option in good weather:

This is the recent wedding of Mike and Kirsty and we were lucky that the rain stayed off and we were able to hold the ceremony by the river where it's lovely and peaceful. The hotel staff put out wooden benches for the family and the wedding party to sit down and everyone else gathered around informally. The stone table makes an ideal place for the signing of the Marriage Schedule. This was a great wedding and Mike and Kirsty made sure that it was full of fun and laughter!

As did Amy and Adrian - and the sun certainly shone on their big day too:

Another cracking venue is Solsgirth Houseby Dollar.

The ownership of the house changed in 2010, but wedding bookings are now being taken again and it's a fabulous venue. Once again, they can accommodate weddings both indoors and outdoors. Inside, there is a small 'chapel' with a nice peaceful feel to it:

And outside, there's a lovely terraced area that is perfect for ceremonies when the weather is good:

Glenskirlie Castle at Banknock is another very popular local venue. They do weddings both in the main house , which is very nice and in the castle, which opened in 2007. Of course, the food at Glenskirlie is fantastic and it has a superb restaurant. The castle, although modern, certainly has the wow factor, both inside and out:

This is the room they use for wedding ceremonies at the castle and with the big stained glass window to the side, it has a lovely feel to it.

If the weather is good, the terraced patio area at the back could also be used and they often serve drinks out there after the ceremony too:

The excellent Wedding Coordinators at Glenskirlie will make sure that everything is organised behind the scenes so that all you have to do is enjoy your special day!

Another fabulous local venue is Culcreuch Castle at Fintry:

Many couples choose to marry there because of it's lovely buildings and grounds, the fantastic food and possibly above all, the friendly and helpful staff. The team includes Mary Anne, Robert and Allyson and between them they will ensure that your day not only goes well but is also great fun!

If you're interested in historic properties, there are some lovely ones to choose from in this area, including Doune Castle, Castle Campbell or Stirling Castle. By the way, if you're having a small wedding, a lovely historic venue to consider in Stirling is Argyll's Lodging:

The Laigh Hall, pictured here, can accommodate up to 60 guests for the ceremony and the stunning dining room on the first floor can accommodate 30 for dinner. For more information, go to the Historic Scotland website.

You might choose a venue because it's in a lovely location with great views, because of it's sense of history, because of the quality of the food or because the staff are friendly and helpful - or all of those things! But whatever your main priorities, there are some lovely places to be married in central Scotland.

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

How do we set the room out?

2008-04-05T16:39:00.037+01:00

It's a good idea to have some form of focal point in the room or space if it's outdoors and this could simply be in the form of a table with a flower arrangement on it such as this one at Castle Campbell:

On the other hand, some venues afford a spectacular views that might be all you need for a focal point! This is the function room at The Lodge on Loch Lomond:

Other ideas would be to use a natural feature such as this lovely tree in the grounds of the Strathblane Country House Hotel:

Or this one at Culcreuch Castle in Fintry:

Balloon or flower arches are a nice idea too:

And if you happen to be passionate about something, as Anne and Gavin are about their American Airstream trailer (a beautifully renovated 1964 Bambi Mark II if you're interested!), then why not include it as a backdrop or focal point for your wedding ceremony!

Make the most of your grand entrance too. Many hotels provide a red carpet such as this one in the stunning gardens at Alloa's Gean House:

Or you can personalise things as Dee and Gordon did to decorate a room beautifully at Glenskirlie House:

If you're outdoors, you may simply have people standing, gathered around you informally (though you might want a few seats at the front for grannies and grandpas!):

(picture by Angus Forbes)

But indoors or outdoors, it's also a good idea to think about how you want to have any seats set out and many couples choose to have a central aisle, with straight rows of seats either side, as in this picture of Glenskirlie Castle at Banknock:

If you want the space to look less formal, you could arrange the seats in an arc and still retain the aisle, such as here in the grounds at The Roman Camp Hotel in Callander:

(Photo by Trevor Wilson at Silver Photography)

If you don't want to have an aisle, you don't need to have one of course and you can create a nice inclusive feeling for your guests when the seats are arranged in a circle or horseshoe shape. This is at Castle Campbell:

Even just having the seats at an angle rather than in straight rows can give the space a different feel, as in this picture of the Harviestoun Country Hotel in Tillicoultry:

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

How do we enter and how do we stand?

2008-04-05T14:02:00.041+01:00

I often get asked questions about wedding etiquette and in particular, things like which side of her dad should the bride be on when they enter at the start of the ceremony? Just in case you're wondering too, it is traditional for the bride to take her dad's right arm, so that he walks down the aisle on the left, which is traditionally 'the bride's side'. Someone other than dad may of course be 'giving the bride away', such as in the case of Michelle here, whose Gran had the honour of escorting her on her wedding day:

As you can see, in this case the bride decided to walk on her Gran's left rather than the right. You could of course decide to move completely away from tradition and walk in together! And by the way, I often refer to the 'giving away' tradition during the ceremony and say that in reality there isn't any giving away because the two of you have already given your hearts to each other. It's a nice way of saying that you have a relationship of equals and that there is no relinquishing of ownership on the part of the father of the bride - and indeed, no claiming of ownership by the groom! At the same time, I always like to make a big fuss of dads for their role on the big day!

After the ceremony has finished, the bride will then take the groom's left arm for them to make their grand exit back down the aisle. And that, according to traditional etiquette, is so that he has his sword arm (presumed to be his right) free to protect his bride! Of course, you may decide to throw tradition out of the window for your big day and do your own thing!

It is important to think about how and where to stand during the ceremony itself.

I often stand in the middle, with the bride on my right and the groom on my left, with both of you facing outwards, but angled towards each other - as in this lovely pic of Jonas and Lisa-Ann at their 2005 wedding in the grounds of the Dunkeld Hilton House Hotel. By the wat, this fabulous wedding was photographed by Neil Fordyce and it was featured in the Scottish Wedding Directory magazine Real Life Weddings The Humanist Society also chose this wedding to feature on the front of it's leaflet about humanist weddings, 'Sharing the Future'

When you exchange your vows, you can then turn so that you are side-on to your guests and facing each other. And by the way, remember to look at each other rather than at your Celebrant! I often remind couples that although I'm marrying them, they are marrying each other and not me! This is Jill and Michael getting married in the lovely garden they created together.

You are then facing each other for the exchange of your wedding rings as in this picture of Claire and David at Gean House in Alloa:

(Photo by Tom Collins at Stylish Images)

After the signing of the Marriage Schedule, I always make sure that the couple stand together for the final part of the ceremony. I don't believe in coming in between a married couple, especially not a couple I've just married! This is Carol and Thomas at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander:

(photo by Paul Walker Images)

You can choose to stand together throughout the whole ceremony if you'd prefer to. If you think you might be nervous or emotional on your big day, you might feel more comfortable standing with your partner throughout. This is Andrea and Andy during their ceremony and the beautiful bride has since become a Celebrant of the Humanist Society.

If you wanted to, you could also be seated for some of the ceremony. Jean and Alex here (getting married in Alex's son's back garden) felt more comfortable sitting down (and it has to be said with a glass of bubbly in front of them!) At 78 and 82 respectively, they just go to show that it's never too late for love! This was my very first legal wedding in June 2005 and it was a wonderfully relaxed family occasion. I have since married Alex's son, John and his partner Heather and his granddaughter Sarah and Chris!

By the way, one thing I try never to do is to have you with your backs to your guests at any point. For me, an important principle about having a humanist wedding is about sharing your happy day with your friends and family and they are likely to feel much more involved in the ceremony if they can see your faces rather than the backs of your heads!

So that's about it for how you might enter and stand during the ceremony - how you exit to start your journey as a married couple is up to you!

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below:

So what exactly is hand fasting?

2008-03-27T11:34:00.032Z

Hand fasting is an ancient Celtic marriage ritual and it involves tying a piece of tartan (or cord or ribbon if you prefer) around your joined hands, as a symbolic way of representing your union as a married couple. It may well be where the expression 'tying the knot' came from! The 1995 film, 'Braveheart' shows William Wallace (Mel Gibson of course) and the love of his life Murron having a hand fasting ceremony. The original idea was that it was a kind of engagement - the couple would be betrothed for a year and a day before they then married. If you decide to have a hand fasting, I always make a point of saying that although that was the tradition, your hand fast will be for life! There are a few different ways for a hand fasting to be done and your Celebrant will be able to give you ideas.

Here's a photo of Chris and Suzanne's hand fasting taken by Andrea Fletcher during their wedding in February at House for an Art Lover

And another of Linsey and Allister at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander taken by Trevor Wilson at Silver Photography

Lisa Ann and Jonas (seen below during their 2005 wedding at the Dunkeld House Hotel) had a nice idea for their hand fasting - they sewed two pieces of tartan together to represent their respective family roots.

(Picture by Neil Fordyce)

You can either sew them together back to back down the whole length of the tartan or cut each strip in half and sew them in the middle like this:

You don't necessarily need to sew them together at all and in fact, if they are different tartans, it's nice to see the individual colours anyway.

If you're going to use your own tartan, you need to get a length that is about 1 to 1.5 metres in length and about 2-3 inches in width. You can either source it from a kiltmaker or buy it online. Lots of websites sell it and sites such as Proudly Scottish stock a huge range. By the way, wool is better for handfasting than ribbon - it can be a bit slippery and lightweight, but it can still work if you can't get wool.

If a couple don't have their own tartan, I often use my own piece of Wallace tartan, as shown here.

I will not only supply the tartan, but I'll also present you with your tied knot as a keepsake of your wedding! And by the way, never untie the knot that you tied on your wedding day! It'll be a wonderful and lasting memento of your special day....

Hand fasting is a lovely gesture and one that seems to be becoming more popular.

(Picture by Ed Smith)

To return to the full page of posts, click on 'home' below: