Please don't worry - we're here to help and the following tips might be useful:
- If you've no idea at this stage what you might want to say to each other, that's no problem. When I meet couples, I always talk through this aspect of the ceremony with them, in order to allay any fears. I have examples for you too and you can take these away to help you to put your own together - they will give you some idea of what you might say and how you might phrase your words. Most couples use the examples as a way to inspire them to write their own, but you could simply pick one off the list if you particularly liked one of them. You don't have to say the same words to each other (though many couples do) and you might even want to keep your vows a secret for one another until the day. Whatever you decide, discuss any concerns you might have with your Celebrant, who will be able to help and advise you.
- Please don't worry about getting the giggles! Humanist ceremonies often have a relaxed and informal feel to them (though they can obviously be formal and traditional if that is what you want) so it's not like getting getting caught giggling in assembly at school (so you did that too then?!). Nor is the Celebrant going to be disapproving in any way - in fact, it's much more likely that they will laugh along with you! You should enjoy your wedding ceremony and feel comfortable with whatever emotions you're feeling at the time.
(This is Deborah and Zach during their lovely informal wedding in 2006)- Don't worry about getting emotional either. I'm always on hand with tissues to pass to you if you need them - or just an encouraging little word to help you to carry on. I can even take over altogether if you really dry up - but you won't, so relax!
- Nerves can sometimes get to you, but again, I'll be there to reassure you and I'll whisper things like 'take a deep breath' to you!
- There are different ways to express your vows to each other:
- You can phrase your vows as a question (you decide what the question is obviously) that I, as your Marriage Celebrant, ask. You then simply respond, 'I do' or if it's a joint question, 'we will'. This is a good option if you're feeling nervous and would prefer not to say too much during the ceremony.
- You can make a short statement to each other. I usually advise that you read from a card rather than putting yourself under pressure by trying to memorise the words. I'll pass you the card at the appropriate time and that in itself will give you confidence.
(Pictured here are Lynne and Adam, now Mr and Mrs Higgins at their wedding at Monachyle Mhor. Aren't Lynne's flowers lovely? This is a wedding flower bracelet or wrist corsage by Floristic Design)- One thing that I find helps a lot is to hold hands and to look at each other when you exchange your vows (rather than looking at me). As I often remind couples, you're marrying each other and not me! And it doesn't matter if you speak quietly either - the vows are between you as bride and groom...
(This is Elaine and Calum at their wedding this summer in the stunning grounds of the Strathblane Country House Hotel)- Make your vows short and sweet too. You can almost certainly say what you want to say in a few sentences and there's less chance of breaking down.
- In addition to your personal vows, you are also required to make a legal declaration to each other (see my posting about the legal procedures) and I usually do this in a 'repeat after me' format. Many couples find this format very reassuring because you can't really go wrong - there's no pressure on you to remember anything.
